Bottom Of The Barrel: Top 10 Most Embarrassing Albums I Own

In the photo above, you see 6 very different albums bought from 6 very different times of my life. Only 1 of these albums makes this list. What's sad is that you can all probably guess which one.
This list mostly includes albums I got when I was 9 years old. For some reason, of all the hit songs that came out around the Millenium border, I wound up with these. Creed? Really?
To clarify to my siblings, these are albums I myself owned. I won't include albums my little sister owned during the "boy band" era. And I'm not ashamed of any of us owning the entire Barenaked Ladies catalog. But I'm going to add a 3-album honorable mention consisting of albums my older brothers owned. They owned lots of Millenium-border albums, but looking back...How did we end up with these?

Sister Hazel
...Somewhere More Familiar
The Song: "All For You"
I actually remember listening to this. Their guitarist can fit in with any summer jam band I've heard. I can recall about half the songs on this; one of which wound up on the soundtrack for The Wedding Planner, a chick flick I was actually into as an 11 year-old for some reason....But yeah. This band is a 1-hit wonder famous for being confused with Blues Traveler. Who cares.

Stroke 9
Nasty Little Thoughts
The Song: "Little Black Backpack"
I actually went through a phase where I listened to this album consistently...For some reason...Sidenote: I don't remember "Little Black Backpack" being that popular. Or good enough to buy. But the randomness of this is nothing compared to what's next.

SR-71
Now You See Inside
The Song: "Right Now"
"Right Now" is a pop-punk song that reached #102 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 2000. I don't remember anything else about this album except the song about a 1-armed astronaut going to the moon.






Before my list...Which one of us owned 14:59 by Sugar Ray? Was that me? Lord that was terrible.
THE TOP 10 MOST EMBARRASSING ALBUMS I OWN

10

REO Speedwagon and Styx 
Arch Allies: Live At Riverport
Taking a break from the late 90's/early 00's vibe to pinpoint a phase I went through when I decided to collect really crappy live albums. I listened to tons of classic rock as a child. I believe my dad gave me this one, so I feel my ownership here isn't my fault. What's sad is that I actually listened to it.

9

John Mayer
Continuum
This album isn't bad. Only a couple bad tracks, really. It's just weird that I bought it at the same time I was listening to Bob Dylan, Pearl Jam and U2. Rolling Stone convinced me to buy this for some reason.

8

The Hardmans 
Journey
I have a long list of CD's where I'm like "Where on Earth did this come from?" I used to go to church with the lady on this album cover back in 2017. She gave me a free copy of this Christian country album she made with her son. Apologies to Sister Hardman. It's not your fault. My dislike for this was predetermined.

7

Train 
Drops Of Jupiter
The Song: "Drops Of Jupiter"
Back to the good ol' days! I remember most of this album. It's not terrible, it's just...Train. I also own a live Train album for some reason. Why? Somehow they've accumulated a bunch of annoying radio hits over the years. Now I refuse to believe they were ever better or worse at any point of their career. Heated Debate: "Drops of Jupiter" and "Meet Virginia"...were these songs ever that good?

6

Everclear 
Songs From An American Movie Vol. One: Learning How To Smile
The Song: "Wonderful"
Look at how long that album title is. Good grief. Anyways...Everclear had a slew of solid 90's alt-rock hits. But the album we own is the one with "Wonderful" on it? It also (apparently) has a cover of Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl" I don't recall. It also has "A.M. Radio," which some guy I was in the MTC with claimed to be his favorite song. Fun facts. Forgettable album.

5

3 Doors Down
The Better Life
The Song: "Kryptonite"
Ugh. I really thought these guys were gonna be the next Matchbox 20. They had more hits in their career--even a couple from this album--but they sucked. This mostly reminds me of being a sensitive child obsessed with the radio and bench-warming on Aaron Judge's little league baseball team.

4

Lit 
A Place In The Sun
The Song: "My Own Worst Enemy"
My brothers liked the singles from this album, so I thought I'd be cool like them and ask for this for my 9th birthday. Nobody should get this album for their 9th birthday. Or any birthday. These guys actually did a show in Jerome, ID back in 2017. That's how low one can stoop from on-hit wonder fame. But now that I think about it, I suddenly think I'm not the only one in Jerome who owns this.

3

Sixpence None The Richer
Sixpence None The Richer
The Song: "Kiss Me"
I don't remember when and where I received this album. I don't remember any of the songs. But I owned it. I remember it had a cover of The La's classic "There She Goes," which looking back was pretty popular, but an awful milquetoast cover. I remember the album sleeve didn't fit in the case, which the picture to the left suggests. I remember this classified as Christian music. Not sure how we wound up with this.

2

Creed 
Human Clay
The Songs: "Higher" + "With Arms Wide Open"
People like to make fun of Nickelback. Creed was Nickelback long before Nickelback was Nickelback. And they were apparently Christian too. And they had some of the worst album art of all time. "Higher" and "With Arms Wide Open" were so popular, how could an elementary school student resist?

1

Lou Bega
A Little Bit Of Mambo
The Song: "Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit Of...)"
I gotta admit. I had broad music taste for a 9 year-old. Barenaked Ladies, Creed, LOU BEGA? Gotta catch 'em all! I remember most of this album. Somehow every song has the same aesthetic. Like a 50's Latin club act trying to retain relevance in 1999. And my 9 year-old heart ate it up. "Mambo No. 5" will always be considered one of the worst songs of all time by critics. So you can say I owned a piece of music history.

A History Of Taking Things For Granted

A psychologist recently asked me: "When was the last time you were happy?"
I remember I couldn't come up with a direct answer, but here are some that ran through my mind...
--Writing while listening to music a few nights ago
--October 2019
--Spring semester 2016
--Summer 2009
Let me explain these answers.

Writing While Listening To Music
These days, the highlight of my week is late nights when I'm therapeutically writing on my laptop while listening to tunes with my headphones in. I suddenly feel a sense of clarity and connection I'm so distant from all week. I think it counts as a "time" where I'm "happy." This was actually my first response, but my psychologist said it didn't count. He was looking for an era of my life. Hmmm...

October 2019 
2019 was actually pretty darn good to me. It feels like another planet now. I didn't realize it at the time, but there were some memorable high points. I was in my beginning stages of taking anti-psychotics, and my world was constantly being turned upside-down. And I had all this time on my hands to take care of that. I was also getting more into vocal performance and was more open with people about my spiritual insights. And yet I could have done more. I was sleeping too much, and perhaps had too much empty time on my hands. But here I am today working more and spending less time with other people. I can remember a time when I had no free time, no car, no money, but arguably having more fun.

Spring Semester 2016 
At one point during this semester, I was working as an on-campus janitor at 4am, going to school during the day, then assistant stage managing a musical at night. At one point during this semester, I wasn't working on any shows and didn't have a job. At one point, I was a head stage manager. At one point, I was going to a campfire with a group of friends every weekend. At one point, my favorite basketball team finished the season 73-9. It's hard to say why I look at this semester through a rose-colored glass...I guess it's because I kinda took that time for granted. The friendships, the moments, the opportunities. And things went downhill from there; especially the year 2017 as a whole. But it was an era of my college life where I felt busy and stable and connected. This was the last great semester. Did I fully feel like myself? Not really...I wasn't doing anything about my anxiety. Just avoiding the issue, really. I can go back to a time when anxiety and depression weren't big fat issues. And I felt like myself. I was 18.

Summer 2009 
For all you "math" people out there, you may realize this was a really freaking long time ago. Well, it was. I was 18. I reminisce about my spring and summer at age 18 like they were the greatest days of my life. While I was always a melancholy kid, anxiety and depression didn't really punch my life in the face until autumn 2009. But I remember acting in high school, and those were some glory days. And that 2009 summer at Redfish was an understated time of growth and learning. Of course I took a lot of this time for granted, but that's usually the case for me.

There's a solid list of things I've taken for granted. Time, Friendships, Opportunities, Memories. Plenty of stuff. If I could go back in time, I'd do things a little differently. But there are some parts of my past worth keeping.