The Value of a Memory

Every summer, both the good and the bad, I go through a "mid-summer crisis." I get this irked feeling inside like I'm not doing my summer the right way. Where are the good times? Where are the long summer nights? Where are the memories?
I've had a few forces against me this summer. I had a lot of good friends in Logan, but I left them all to save some money by living at home with my parents in Jerome. Compared to the classic college town Logan, there aren't too many people my age around here. Also, I was starting to get migraines consistently towards the end April. Unfortunately, this hasn't stopped for the last 2 months. I guess I'd be pretty justified to complain about my 2016 summer nights spent in my parents' basement with a proverbial anvil pushing against my forehead. But I digress. My mentality this summer has one thing that has both been killing me and keeping me alive: Memories.
As I mentioned earlier, memories of summers past leave me wanting more and bury me in a mid-summer crisis. But I've also developed a more positive perspective. I look back and smile with the corniest sense of nostalgia as I remember my favorite songs and favorite friends from those summers. I have hope that this summer will be perfectly fine, whether or not I make new memories. And even if I tried to create my very own "night to remember," moments like that cannot be forced. They kinda just happen.
The best summers of my life (so far), I just so happened to be closely surrounded by some of the nicest, most influential people possible. I've learned to be grateful for all those, what I've learned from them, and the experiences we shared. Here are some examples.

2008 Jerome, ID
I was really shy during my first summer in Jerome (2007), but I did meet some great people during that time. I kinda did the math and decided to increase my time spent with them in 2008. This particular summer, I had high school buddies hang out with. I was also in a local play, The Laramie Project, where I built some new friendships (as most plays do). I fell in love with late nights. I remember listening to tons of Beck and R.E.M, and watching Phineas and Ferb after part-time shifts at Ridley's.

2009 Stanley, ID

My first summer at Redfish was so good, I worked there 2 more times! I was 18, freshly graduated and this was my first summer away from home. I romanticize this summer a bit much, but I admit the first 3 weeks were rough for me. I shared a cabin with an underage drunkard and a compulsive liar (I never knew they were real!), yet eventually learned to love the heck out of them. I would've stayed in my shell that summer if it wasn't for the hard-working Clegg family, the ever-positivist Jodi Crozier and the cabin of super nice girls who lived next door. I also made great friendships with my alcohol-drenched and marijuana-stench co-workers, who shared my taste in music. I remember discovering new heights in the Sawtooth Mountains and constant listens to Illinois and Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.

2011 Langley, BC

By all means, I could leave this one out. I was on anti-anxiety meds (respectively) the entire time. But I was blessed with great companions and a bunch of outgoing missionaries who lived nearby. Our district was always tight-knit. We were all super different, but always somehow got along; making memorable P-Days and keeping track of each others' work. I guess it also helped that the only LDS temple in British Columbia was in my church parking lot. No musical memories will be shared for this summer, for they were later dubbed "irreverent" for mission standards... 

2013 Logan, UT
Ah, yes, my first summer in Logan! I probably wouldn't have had a lot of my best memories if it wasn't for always being welcome at the Rob Owens/Andrew Sieggen apartment. Many other friendships spurred from that friend-base. I remember pulling through with terrible jobs at call centers and factories. I had many listens to the new Daft Punk and Vampire Weekend albums. I had no idea I was living what I would later refer to as "the good old days." Things were so much better than I had believed at the time.

Which brings me back to this summer. Sometimes I get caught up in the science of making a memory. Sometimes I've thought all these summers were kinda based around me having friends who were more social/outgoing than me. I guess at the end of the day, it's all about attitude, optimism, living in the moment... to be grateful in any circumstance. This summer, I won't let my health or my change of scenery bring me down.
With the choices you make, you are either building something to look forward to or something to look back on. The risk, the cost of making a memory is based on your own willingness to act; to do! The remaining value is priceless.

2016 Music Mid-Year Report: "meh."

It's been hard to follow the music scene this year. It's been a year of "meh." Whatever my vote is for Album Of The Year, it will come in the second half of this year. At least I hope so. Because yeah, I've heard some good and great albums so far. But nothing beyond that. I'm still waiting for the big one.
If anything is interesting in the music world this year, it's where the best music is coming from. In February, two of the most entrepreneurial artists from last decade (Animal Collective + Kanye West) released albums in the same week!
...And they were both "meh."
When the underground experimental icons Animal Collective become irrelevant and the beat-making machine Kanye West becomes lazy, we know something's awry in the music world. But let's judge what the music scene's like by looking at some of my favorite albums of 2016 so far.

The Old Guys Strike Back
Radiohead A Moon Shaped Pool 
Age of average band member: 46.8. I didn't think I'd be a fan of a new Radiohead album. Everything's felt like an electronica-flavored downhill slope after In Rainbows. Yet Johnny Greenwood's recently taken to composing symphonic movie soundtracks, which shows on every track on this album. The production from Nigel Godrich sounds as up-to-date as ever. Thom Yorke is an old fart now and can no longer vocalize paranoia like he used to. Here, he instead plays a sentimentally existential narrator. The album may seem boring to some, but I hear aging music prophets admitting that they've considered giving up (love? music? life itself? something). Backed by some of their most complex harmonies yet, it fills a missing space in their catalog.
Sturgill Simpson A Sailor's Guide to Earth 
Age: 38. A major-label country album? On a Scott list? Say it ain't so! I'll admit, this album is as corny as it is wise. An unlikely favorite. It's a concept album based on Sturgill's letters to his wife and son while he was serving for the U.S. Navy, based in Japan. The strings sound nostalgic and the horns sound raw throughout the album. He gives an album full of life lessons while making references to Kim Jong-il and Nintendo 64. The album's center-pieced by a Waylon Jennings-esque cover of Nirvana's "In Bloom," which flows remarkably, strangely natural with the album in both theme and composition. Then he wraps up the album with an old-man rant about the media where he violently sums up all the beautiful life lessons he's given us: "The bullshit's got to go!" 
David Bowie Blackstar 
Age: 69 (deceased). I had a hunch this album was gonna be good with its two lead singles "Blackstar" and "Lazarus." The album did not disappoint. Now when we listen to this, it's hard not to think about his death that closely followed its release. Almost every song on here talks about death. Dying between a Sunday night and a Monday morning, we now have the only logical (and prophetic) interpretation of the lyric "Where the f*** did Monday go?" And even without his death, you can't deny that Bowie worked his butt off on this album, which contains his most consistently exciting work in years. This might be my favorite album of the year so far.
And that's what's wrong with 2016. Upon first listen, I imagined this song making my top 10 list at the end of the year. But #1? We still have 6 months...

Hip-Hop, etc
Anderson .Paak Malibu
R&B songwriter Anderson .Paak showed up on last year's Dr. Dre album. If he didn't have a proper follow-up album, his name could be easily forgotten with time. But Paak delivers a different story track-after-track on Malibu. The music is R&B, but the beats are hip-hop. Frank Ocean hasn't released in album in 4 years, so this might be as close as we're gonna get.
Kendrick Lamar untitled unmastered.
It's no surprise that Kendrick Lamar is on this list. What's surprising is that this is what his music sounds like when he's not even trying! 34 minutes of demo tracks, and it's still the most quality jazz instrumentals and straight rapping I've heard all year. Without any glossy production work (or even song titles), Kendrick shows versatality in his songwriting with his least commercial release yet.
Chance The Rapper Coloring Book
I've always passed Chance The Rapper off as "meh." I've loved a couple tracks by him, but he hasn't kept me invested for an entire album until now. These songs are beautifully textured with gospel and jazz elements. The production is top-notch, especially on "No Problem" and "Angels." I guess that out of all 14 tracks, there are a couple duds. But the high moments are glorious; themed around family, memories and praise. Actually, this album might be my favorite album of the year so far.
And this is also a problem with 2016. The actually "rapping" on here is easily beat out by Kendrick, among others. But if anything, the aesthetic of this album is possibly this year's most colorful. Chance The Rapper could respectively be renamed Chance The Producer. I guess with so many "scene" rappers trying to make their own Dark Fantasy, it's nice to have a Coloring Book.

More Than "meh." 
--Beyonce's Lemonade is actually pretty memorable. I'm glad popular artists like her are getting more personal. But on the other hand, where's the commercial love for Benji? Everybody in America wants to know who "Becky with the good hair" is, but nobody asks about "the girls at Panera Bread." 
--James Blake's The Colour In Anything is way too long, but if you like James Blake, it's worth it just to hear his voice for 75 minutes.
--Car Seat Headrest's Teens Of Denial proves that they're more than just some middle-of-the-road indie rock band. The songs are musically epic and lyrically intriguing. It's growing on me.
--Parquet Courts' Human Performance is their best in 3 years. It's not scrappy minimalist punk by any means. I'd say the guitars sound "cold."
--Swans' The Glowing Man would fall under the "old guys" category, but I have so much to write about it, I can't help but be overly brief: It's scary.
--King Gizzard & The Lizard's Wizard Nanagon Infinity has the most random shtick any album's ever had: The beginning literally loops with the album's end. You can hit the CD repeat button a CD player and there will be no hiccup between listen 1 and listen 2. I mean, the album itself is pretty good. Some violent, weird, psych-rock/garage-rock. Not sure what it all means though...
--David Cobb gets various country artists on his Southern Family compilation concept album. All songs written and produced by Cobb, we hear artists like Jason Isbell, Jamey Johnson and Miranda Lambert present individual members of a southern family.
--Death Grips' Bottomless Pit sounds like a Death Grips album.

Me, Myself + 69 Love Songs

I bought The Magnetic Fields' 69 Love Songs a couple weeks ago. I've heard some tracks on here multiple times, but never bought the album because I never thought I'd have enough time to hear the whole thing. I had done it before, but admit I'd get a headache about 90 minutes in. But now that I have it on-hand at all times, I can listen to it however I want. And it's made all the difference.
It's hard to say what makes 69 Love Songs so amazing. For me, the only way to explain it is to dig somewhere extremely personal. So let's go there.
About one year ago, I posted about this album on facebook: 
"I don't know why this album always makes me cry."
I know darn well why I cry to this album. It has to do with the way I think. The way my mind has always worked. As far back as I can remember. The one thing that's always made me feel hard to relate to other people. Something that makes me hesitant to be too open with others. The main thing I've always thought made me "different." I feel like I'm never being 100% myself to others because I hide this from everyone. I feel weird trying to explain it, but here I go...
Every day of my life, at least once a day, I make songs. In my head. As far back as I can remember, I've made a song for everything at least once in my life. It's hard to literally "write"songs, especially with such an overload of ideas. And it's not like I remember all my song ideas. They're countless. And I don't even like everything I come up with. I say the one thing holding me back from sharing my music all these years is that I don't even know where to start! It's just the way I've thought out things throughout my life and I don't have a lot to show for it.
I could come up with a song right now and it'd be easy. It would sound at least okay. I could improvise a song for you now, and it would sound conventional, direct and prepared. Song ideas are on my mind constantly. When you see me staring into space, there's a chance I could be in the process of coming up with a new one. I still don't know what it means after all these years.
Maybe this is all too much info for you guys... but in the meanwhile, this is how I intimately relate to the giant musical mix-bag that is 69 Love Songs. 

When I hear this album, I'm convinced that there's somebody else in this world whose brain functions like mine does; coming up with songs constantly, automatically. And then this brilliant bastard got his band together and for once, decided he'd record as many of them as possible. Songwriter Stephin Merritt took on every OCD-songwriter's nightmare here: He wrote and recorded 69 love songs. 
Merritt says: 
"69 Love Songs is not remotely an album about love. It's an album about love songs, which are very far away from anything to do with love." So not all these are "I love you" songs. There's plenty of intriguing song topics spread throughout the album. 
And as much as I love ambitious albums, I can't just like an album because it has 69 songs on it. That was my issue at first; I questioned whether all 69 songs were actually good. The music can be pretty goofy and the lyrics can be stupid. On my most recent listen, I listened to disc 3 first and it sounded much better to me. I'd say there are only a couple songs that rub me off wrong, but I'm amazed at how different each song sounds from another! The fact that he actually wrote all of these is amazing. It's all so lovably dry, written by a man who literally only wears shades of brown. No song is instrumentally or lyrically uninteresting. They're sung between 5 different lead singers, male and female. Merritt himself sings some songs, and personally accounts for contributing over 60 different instruments! Some songs are written from homosexual and bisexual perspectives. Merritt is openly gay, which can bizarrely catch folks by surprise in some lyrics lyrics.
The production is hard to compare to anything else. It mostly sounds dinky. I love the stuff I've heard from The Magnetic Fields' early work, yet only a few songs on 69 Love Songs remind me of their previous work. Sure it's from the 90's lo-fi label Merge Records-- and it sounds lo-fi-- but it doesn't remind me at all of Superchunk or Neutral Milk Hotel. These guys try to cover so many genres on these 69 songs, it can be either laughable or overwhelming.

If there's any other reason for my crying to this album, it's the fact that most of these songs are actually really sad. Simple in nature, but usually have depressing story-endings. There's a bunch of background story to making of this album, but I'll leave the mythology and legend-seeking to you guys. I just have a lot to say about the actual product. So I made a list of my favorite songs on it. My 33 Favorite Songs from 69 Love Songs! Not a short list for a not-short album. I added some occasional commentary.

33 Wi' Nae Wee Bairn Ye'll Me Begett  
^If campfire songs were written by the nerdiest people in the world, they'd sound like this.
32 World Love 
31 Busby Berkeley Dreams 
30 Fido, Your Leash Is Too Long 
29 When My Boy Walks Down the Street 
28 Time Enough for Rocking 
27 Kiss Me Like You Mean It 
26 A Pretty Girl Is Like 
25 Love Is Like a Bottle of Gin 
^"Love is like a bottle of gin, but a bottle of gin is not like love."
24 How to Say Goodbye 

23 I'm Sorry I Love You 

22 Acoustic Guitar 

21 Meaningless 

20 Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits 

^You know what this song is about.

19 No One Will Ever Love You 
18 (Crazy for You But) Not That Crazy 
17 I Shatter 
16 The Death of Ferdinand de Saussure 
^Apparently among the most influential linguists of the 20th century.
15 Sweet-Lovin' Man 
14 A Chicken with It's Head Cut Off 
13 Epitaph for My Heart 
12 Absolutely Cuckoo 
11 Come Back from San Francisco 
^This song makes me cry the most. I think it's based on a true story. 
10 Long-Forgotten Fairytale
9 I Think I Need a New Heart 
8 Yeah! Oh, Yeah! 
^Not a love song.
7 The Way You Say Good-Night 
6 I Don't Believe in the Sun 
5 Papa Was a Rodeo 
^As funny as it is sad. There's a twist at the end!
4 The Book of Love 
3 I Don't Want to Get Over You 
2 The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side 
^She's the girl every guy wants. You're ugly. But you own a convertible. Wanna go for a ride?
1 All My Little Words