Scott's listless "best songs of the 2010's" list

I stacked up a bunch of song titles I considered putting on an "end-of-decade" songs list. And there were literally 100 songs on it. I decided that instead of putting too much thought into it, I'd just make a list of 100 songs. All from the 2010's. I will probably regret this soon.
Actually, screw it. The bottom half of this list is garbage. Wish I could say I was drunk. But it's just another Tuesday night.

#100 Royals Lorde
#99 Super Bass Nicki Minaj
#98 Rolling In The Deep Adele
#97 Your Best American Girl Mitski
#96 Love Yourself Justin Beiber
#95 Bad And Boujee Migos (ft. Lil Uzi Vert)
#94 Black Beatles Rae Sremmurd (ft. Gucci Mane)
#93 Really Love D'Angelo
#92 Love It If We Made It The 1975
#91 Dis Generation A Tribe Called Quest (ft. Busta Rhymes)

#90 BTSTU Jai Paul
#89 Out Getting Ribs King Krule
#88 Old Town Road Lil Nas X
#87 Stoned And Starving Parquet Courts
#86 Adorn Miguel
#85 Kill For Love Chromatics
#84 When I'm With You Best Coast
#83 Can't Feel My Face The Weeknd
#82 Broccoli DRAM (ft. Lil Yachty)
#81 Magnolia Playboi Carti

#80 I Can Change LCD Soundsystem
#79 F*ck You Cee-Lo Green
#78 Climax Usher
#77 Everything Is Embarrassing Sky Ferreira
#76 Humble Kendrick Lamar
#75 Reflektor Arcade Fire
#74 Mute Youth Lagoon
#73 We Found Love Rihanna (ft. Calvin Harris)
#72 Hard In Da Paint Waka Flocka Flame
#71 If You Know You Know Pusha T

#70 Apocalypse Dream Tame Impala
#69 Hi Hannah Diamond
#68 Stay Useless Cloud Nothings
#67 It's Real Real Estate
#66 Mythological Beauty Big Thief
#65 Wakin' on a Pretty Day Kurt Vile
#64 Chamakay Blood Orange
#63 Odessa Caribou
#62 Shut Up Savages
#61 Every Single Night Fiona Apple

#60 Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales Car Seat Headrest
#59 Lifetime Yves Tumor
#58 Hotline Bling Drake
#57 Sicko Mode Travis Scott (ft. Drake)
#56 I Belong In Your Arms Chairlift
#55 Two Weeks FKA Twigs
#54 Bad Girls MIA
#53 Drone Bomb Me ANOHNI
#52 Can't Do Without You Caribou
#51 Big Beast Killer Mike (ft. T.I., Bun B, Trouble)

#50 Queen Perfume Genius
#49 Oh My Darling (Don't Cry) Run The Jewels
#48 Oxygen Swans
#47 Funtimes In Babylon Father John Misty
#46 The Willhelm Scream James Blake
#45 Blackstar David Bowie
#44 Cruel St. Vincent
#43 Love On Top Beyonce
#42 Desire Lines Deerhunter
#41 Shut Up Kiss Me Angel Olsen

#40 Oblivion Grimes
#39 Seventeen Sharon Van Etten
#38 The Only Thing Sufjan Stevens
#37 Pyramids Frank Ocean
#36 Runaway Kanye West (ft. Pusha T)
#35 Formation Beyonce
#34 Myth Beach House
#33 This Is America Childish Gambino
#32 Small Plane Bill Callahan
#31 Riding For The Feeling Bill Callahan

#30 Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains) Arcade Fire
#29 Real Death Mount Eerie
#28 Shabba A$AP Ferg (ft. A$AP Rocky)
#27 King Kunta Kendrick Lamar
#26 The Wire HAIM
#25 FDT YG (ft. Nipsey Hussle)
#24 No Problem Chance The Rapper (ft. 2 Chainz, Lil Wayne)
#23 Window Seat Erykah Badu
#22 Cranes In The Sky Solange
#21 Tightrope Janelle Monae (ft. Big Boi)

#20 Never Catch Me Flying Lotus (ft. Kendrick Lamar)
 #19 Round And Round Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti
#18 Pure Comedy Father John Misty
#17 Midnight City M83
#16 Helplessness Blues Fleet Foxes
#15 Self Control Frank Ocean
#14 The House That Heaven Built Japandroids
#13 Step Vampire Weekend
#12 Get Lucky Daft Punk (ft. Pharrell Williams)
#11 I Watched The Film The Song Remains The Same Sun Kil Moon

#10 B*tch, Don't Kill My Vibe Kendrick Lamar
#9 Holocene Bon Iver
#8 Ultralight Beam Kanye West (ft. Chance The Rapper, The-Dream, Kelly Price, Kirk Franklin)
#7 Seasons (Waiting On You) Future Islands
#6 Thinkin Bout You Frank Ocean
#5 It's Okay To Cry SOPHIE
#4 POWER Kanye West
#3 Dancing On My Own Robyn
#2 (I Know There's Gonna Be) Good Times Jamie xx (ft. Young Thug, Popcaan)
#1 Kaputt Destroyer

Yay.

The Workplace

You're going mad. 
Perhaps you always were, but when things were going good, you just didn't care.
-Michael Skinner

Confession time. I've been pretty open about this, but tonight I'm giving it the blog treatment. I've been going through a hard time. And most of it has to do with work.

Work is a touchy subject. In almost every job I've ever had, I've felt like crap at work. And considering I have both clinical anxiety and depression, when I say "felt like crap," that's an understatement. And my new job has me going crazy. I've recently seen a counselor, a psychiatrist, and have been tested for adjustment disorder and sensory processing disorder. I've even been put on new anti-psychotics. I want answers.
Before this job, I was working 30 hours a week. I felt pretty crappy at work at that job too, but the work wasn't nearly as demanding, and the hours were few. I was seeing a counselor consistently, but still no real answers as to what causes me extreme anxiety in a work environment. I thought I'd try something new and take this job as a TV news producer. Perhaps I jumped the gun before getting some real mental health questions answered. And this new job has me going crazy.

My time outside of work has been affected as well. My free time isn't nearly as enjoyable. I don't feel like making music anymore. I'm often just worried about the next day. 
Honestly, if I see myself leaving this job, it will be for legitimate mental health reasons. If I ever said "I hate my job," I'm sorry. That's a lie. I hate how I feel at work. That's the truth. It's been overwhelming for about 4 months now. And I often feel like people don't understand or don't give a crap. Considering all these mental health professionals I've been seeing lately, I almost feel like I'm trying too hard to fix a problem without adjusting my situation.
About the quote at the top of this post...Work anxiety has been a problem with me for a while, but in the past, I just didn't care. Now my work takes up a great deal of energy and focus in my life. And I feel like I have nowhere to turn.
I wouldn't mind spending a summer hiding from the world. Move to a small city in Utah or Idaho or Montana or some crap like that. Go back to working shorter hours. See a counselor and actually put effort and time to work out my issues at the workplace. Of course talk about other stuff too, like church, family, relationships, music, whatever. But in order to be a member of society, I need to work--not metaphorically, but like, with a real freaking occupation. And right now, it's become way too hard for me to pretend like I'm okay. Cuz I'm gonna break down or something.

Maybe it's the pressure of professionalism. Maybe it has to do with the social scenario. Or overthinking the weight of responsibility. But it's not like I'm complaining about having to work. My job performance is fine. It's about me. And sometimes I need to remember my problems are real. This is my biggest problem right now. Not that I spend too much time alone, or haven't been on a date in 10 months, or can't afford a private apartment in Portland. It's work.