A History Of Taking Things For Granted

A psychologist recently asked me: "When was the last time you were happy?"
I remember I couldn't come up with a direct answer, but here are some that ran through my mind...
--Writing while listening to music a few nights ago
--October 2019
--Spring semester 2016
--Summer 2009
Let me explain these answers.

Writing While Listening To Music
These days, the highlight of my week is late nights when I'm therapeutically writing on my laptop while listening to tunes with my headphones in. I suddenly feel a sense of clarity and connection I'm so distant from all week. I think it counts as a "time" where I'm "happy." This was actually my first response, but my psychologist said it didn't count. He was looking for an era of my life. Hmmm...

October 2019 
2019 was actually pretty darn good to me. It feels like another planet now. I didn't realize it at the time, but there were some memorable high points. I was in my beginning stages of taking anti-psychotics, and my world was constantly being turned upside-down. And I had all this time on my hands to take care of that. I was also getting more into vocal performance and was more open with people about my spiritual insights. And yet I could have done more. I was sleeping too much, and perhaps had too much empty time on my hands. But here I am today working more and spending less time with other people. I can remember a time when I had no free time, no car, no money, but arguably having more fun.

Spring Semester 2016 
At one point during this semester, I was working as an on-campus janitor at 4am, going to school during the day, then assistant stage managing a musical at night. At one point during this semester, I wasn't working on any shows and didn't have a job. At one point, I was a head stage manager. At one point, I was going to a campfire with a group of friends every weekend. At one point, my favorite basketball team finished the season 73-9. It's hard to say why I look at this semester through a rose-colored glass...I guess it's because I kinda took that time for granted. The friendships, the moments, the opportunities. And things went downhill from there; especially the year 2017 as a whole. But it was an era of my college life where I felt busy and stable and connected. This was the last great semester. Did I fully feel like myself? Not really...I wasn't doing anything about my anxiety. Just avoiding the issue, really. I can go back to a time when anxiety and depression weren't big fat issues. And I felt like myself. I was 18.

Summer 2009 
For all you "math" people out there, you may realize this was a really freaking long time ago. Well, it was. I was 18. I reminisce about my spring and summer at age 18 like they were the greatest days of my life. While I was always a melancholy kid, anxiety and depression didn't really punch my life in the face until autumn 2009. But I remember acting in high school, and those were some glory days. And that 2009 summer at Redfish was an understated time of growth and learning. Of course I took a lot of this time for granted, but that's usually the case for me.

There's a solid list of things I've taken for granted. Time, Friendships, Opportunities, Memories. Plenty of stuff. If I could go back in time, I'd do things a little differently. But there are some parts of my past worth keeping.