Sunday, September 16, 2018

The 40 Best Songs Made By Mormons

This was a difficult list to assemble.
















I myself am a currently active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (forever a mouthful to say). Oddly enough, my initial idea for a list like this was "Greatest Songs Made By Scientologists." By all means, that would have been one heck of a list. But I share stuff in common with these folks. So this is all fun and weird and personal.
By the time I weeded things out, I didn't even care about the rankings. I decided what kinda music doesn't belong here (R.I.P. choral and orchestral musicians), current v. former membership (I'll take what I can get), how associated they are with the song, as well as adding a few "I know a guy who says they're LDS" picks... No one should have to care too much about this. The fact is, they're all here together. Mormonism is an experience in itself, and anybody who's been there knows this; including everyone on this list.
What we have here is the greatest ward potluck social of all time.
Glad you could make it!

Here are some acts who didn't make it:
Celtic Woman Not only is the timeline of band membership confusing, but their music sucks.
The Osmonds There are plenty of Osmonds here, just no songs by the collective family unit.
The Moth & The Flame Utah indie pop band on the rise, but no thanks.
The 5 Browns Kinda cool story behind this group, but their genre doesn't really fit the list.
David Archuleta Nah.
Gregg Hale Apparently toured as a guitarist + engineer for Spiritualized in the late 90's.
Yo Gabba Gabba! The TV show's co-founder is LDS, but he appears elsewhere on this list.
Jewel She was raised in the church! Until her parents left, non-coincidentally when Jewel was age 8.
Dallon Weekes This active member of the church has been an active member of Panic! At The Disco in 2009. I haven't liked any of their songs since 2008. But this ain't the last you heard from Panic!

40 Radioactive Imagine Dragons
Guitarist Wayne Sermon is a member, as is their frontman Dan Reynolds. Ugh... I'll probably lose a lot of YSA church friends for saying this, but... I freaking hate Imagine Dragons. The whole menu. If you're a fan of Imagine Dragons, you need to stop making fun of Nickelback. I just felt obligated to cram one of the most popular songs of the decade to the tail-end of this list. You're welcome.
39 Come Home Soon SHeDAISY
Country trio consisting of Kassidy, Kristyn, snd Kelsi Osmond. This is the gagging order.
38 Nothing On But The Radio Gary Allan
I just think it's hilarious that this song's by a Mormon. And of course, some of y'all may know Gary Allan as the guy who does the country cover of Vertical Horizon's "Best I Ever Had."
37 She's So High Tal Bachman
Son of famous Canadian classic rocker Randy Bachman, every missionary who's served in British Columbia knows at least one member who went to high school with Tal and hates his guts.
36 Hope Paul Cardall
Paul Cardall shouldn't be on this list due to his falling under the "soothing piano" genre and getting promoted by Seagull Book. But he's my favorite of the crop, and this song is brilliantly weird.
35 Truck Got Stuck Corb Lund
Corb Lund is an Alberta Mormon who makes corny country music.
34 Animal Neon Trees
Drummer Elaine Bradley is apparently an active member. Frontman Tyler Glenn famously left the church in 2015 (as did many LGBT members) and rushed into a solo career that nobody talks about. But for a sanitized Stokes ripoff, I've always had a soft spot for this song.
33 Mong York Gothen
I think the guy's name is Evan Jolley or something. Underground music project from SLC. Made an album back in 2013. Sounds like Andrew Bird, in a good way. I dig it.
32 Private World New York Dolls
Bassist Arthur Kane joined the church in 1989. This is the only song he has songwriting credit for on the essential glam-rock album New York Dolls. Might be the worst from the album, but whatever.
31 Third Rock From The Sun Joe Diffie
Tony Martin went to BYU and has since written multiple #1 hits for country artists. The mashing of worlds here is pure gold: The guy who recorded "Pickup Man" recorded a song written by some Mormon dude that's just a ripoff of Garth Brooks's "Ain't Going Down ('Til The Sun Comes Up)" but with these goofy themes about truckers and aliens.
30 A Little Bit Country-A Little Bit Rock 'N Roll Donny & Marie Osmond
It's the only song I know by them. So yeah. The heck with it.
29 Meet Me In Montana Marie Osmond, Dan Seals
(sigh) No, Dan Seals (of England Dan & John Ford Coley) is not a Mormon. Of course Marie is. For some reason everyone in the world knows that. Anyways, this song is a road trip classic.
28 Loftcries Purity Ring
My buddy Liam from Canada confirms that lead singer Megan James attended the YSA ward in Vancouver. The band's from Edmonton, but I believe him. My personal favorite track here.
27 The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage Panic! At The Disco
Frontman (and practically sole band member) Brendon Urie used to be LDS. Which makes me wonder how he found that Dallon Weekes guy... home teaching?
26 She Will Be Loved Maroon 5
Guitarist James Valentine is a member! While he's on every Maroon 5 track, he was co-writer on this one, and only a couple other tracks. Ironically, if you had to blindly guess which Maroon 5 track was written by a Mormon dude, you'd probably pick this one anyway.
25 The Taste Of Ink The Used
Frontman Bert McCracken was raised LDS, and this is easily the band's best song.
24 You Got It All The Jets
Apparently they're all Mormon. All The Jets. And this is a cute little 80's jam.
23 Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner
22 Excitable Boy
21 Werewolves Of London Warren Zevon
SO... Warren Zevon's upbringing was as zany as his songs. His mom was a Mormon from England and his Jewish/Russian dad was a bookie for an LA mobster. These songs are better than most songs on the list, but Warren left the church in his mid-teens. Since most artists here have had more church involvement than this, I figured I'd sneak in these songs mid-list.
20 Super Rad
19 Pool Party The Aquabats
Nobody on this list (or any list ever) fits a niche quite like The Aquabats. No other band can say they consist mostly of active Mormons (3 of 'em), were a vital contribution to the "third wave" ska movement (thanks I guess), and birthed a children's TV show (Yo Gabba Gabba!).
18 Baby's Gotten Good At Goodbye George Strait
Country hit songwriter Tony Martin strikes again! And this one's actually good!
17 The Usher SubRosa
The last thing you expected was a metal song on this list. Led by Rebecca Vernon, SLC's SubRosa is one of the most critically acclaimed metal bands of the decade. This track is as gorgeous as it is covered with sludge.
16 Disarray Low
If you think my high ranking of this song is solely to promote the new crazy/weird Low album... you're right. More on these guys later.
15 All These Things That I've Done
14 When You Were Young The Killers
Brandon Flowers' activity in the church has a history of switching on and off. As does his songwriting technique. Gotta admit, he hits the sweet spot on these 2 tracks.
13 If I Were Your Woman Gladys Knight & The Pips
Proclaimed "Empress of Soul" Gladys Knight joined the LDS church in 1997 with 2 of her kids. Some of you may recognize this song from the cover that shows up on The Diary Of Alicia Keys.
12 Dinosaur Act Low
So, Low is a band whose only 2 constant members are an LDS couple from Minnesota. Alan Sparhawk is usually their frontman, but drummer Mimi Parker sings a good chunk of their songs. Low is seminal act amid the slowcore genre, yet their 2001 album Things We Lost In The Fire was like a foretelling of multi-instrumental indie to come. These guys were ahead of their time.
11 I'll Make A Man Out Of You Donny Osmond, Chorus Mulan
That's right. The song you've been singing in the shower for the last 20 years is sung by Mormonism's smiley-face TV legend Donny Osmond. It's his work most worthy of memory.
10 American Woman The Guess Who
Randy Bachman played guitar for The Guess Who, and even has co-writer credits for this song. He was actually an active member of the church while with the band! And as impressive as that is, his conception of this riff might be all the more impressive. It's a classic among classic rock songs.
9 You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet
8 Takin' Care Of Business Bachman-Turner Overdrive
Randy Bachman finally made it to the helm of a great rock band. He is the lead singer and songwriter for both these songs, which you have all heard before, multiple times. Randy left the church in the early 2000s, but I can tell you firsthand that he was--and still is--a lovable fella among the church members of British Columbia. Having heard his music, this is probably no surprise to you.
7 Lullabye Low
Low's I Could Live In Hope was one of those important indie releases from 1994. My favorite track is a tough pick between Alan's opener "Words" and Mimi's centerpiece "Lullaby." So let's pretend like this is either of those songs. Low have been consistently talented at giving their music a "cold" sound (see their Christmas album for more). Between their depressive lyrics and atmospheric production, "Words" is where it all started and "Lullaby" is its perfected state.
6 Neither One Of Us (Wants To Be The First To Say Goodbye)
5 Midnight Train To Georgia Gladys Knight & The Pips
Gladys Knight & The Pips (whatever a "pip" is) started making R&B music way back in the 50's, but didn't reach their true commercial and critical peaks until 1972. In 1973, "Neither One Of Us" won the Grammy for Best Pop Performance, while "Midnight Train To Georgia" took the Grammy for Best R&B Performance. How does that even work? 
Anyways. Gladys has 7/18 Grammy record from 1967-2005. She represents soul and R&B on a legendary status. And she's a devout Mormon.
4 Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)
3 Wake Up
2 Intervention Arcade Fire
This is a controversial choice to cram a bunch of Arcade Fire songs at the top of this list. It's widely known that singer Win Butler is a former member of the church, and ranking Arcade Fire's stuff over Bachman-Turner Overdrive is a sin built for hipsters. What a lot of folks don't know is that Win's brother Will Butler is a multi-instrumentalist in the group who has co-writing credit on almost all their songs, is still a member of the church. And it's not like Will's just some groupie disguised as a musician. The guy got a freaking Oscar nomination for his composition work on the score for the 2014 film Her. And I know Win says he's no longer LDS, but nothing's more Mormon than a white dude who plays overly-aggressive basketball.
Anyways... Why these songs? While Arcade Fire has tons of Christian themes in their lyrics, I'd say these songs are spiritual experiences in themselves.
1 Mr. Brightside The Killers
I feel so stupid for ranking this song #1. But I had to. I actually love that the song structure is literally just the same verse and chorus repeated twice. It's maintained popularity and relevancy for like 15 years now. Have you listened to alternative rock radio recently? Other bands are still trying to write their "Mr. Brightside." But it's its Mormon adolescence background that adds a dose of magical honesty to this song.
The song runs fluent with dramatic high school emotion that kids my age have all experienced. There's a tone of sexual frustration in its story, like Brandon is half-heartedly fighting to think of anything else. The couple in the song are into smoking, a sinful trait which every Mormon storyteller seems conscious to bring up. And "jealousy" is "turning saint into the sea." "Saints?" Well, it's easier to say than The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

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