AND WE BACK

...And we back, and we back, and we back!
Hey kids! I decided to bring back the old blog. I guess it was only dead for 3 months, but 3 months is a long time in Internet-Land. Back in June, I tried making my own blog on WordPress. I wrote 1 self-serious post then already got bored with it. As good of a writer I may be, my zaniness cannot be locked up for too long. The king has returned!

Anyways, this post won't be incredibly zany. To keep public interest for at least another paragraph, here's a brief, stupid song list I cooked up today:
TOP 5 SONGS I'D LIKE FOR 'OUR FIRST DANCE' AT MY WEDDING
5 Sugarcube  Yo La Tengo
4 A Punch Up At A Wedding  Radiohead
3 (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher & Higher  Jackie Wilson
2 Real Love  Beach House
1 I Got You (At The End Of The Century)  Wilco

There. Are you happy? You better be. My wedding will be legit. Assuming it ever happens.
Meanwhile, let's analyze this photo below...

This photo was taken December 17, 2016. My last day in Logan, UT. I'm wearing a cap + gown ensemble that doesn't match. Holding my acoustic guitar, looking away from the camera as though I'm walking in a different direction. Shards of snow lightly frost Old Main Hill. This is an awkward photo symbolizing my awkward exit from Utah State University. I may have departed from Logan, but I have remained glued to this awkward feeling.
Since "awkward" is an over-generalized term, I'll be more direct about it: I graduated, but I never felt like I graduated.
I didn't want to pay the $40 to take part in the walking ceremony, so I stole a random cap + random gown I found in my parents' basement months before this photo was taken in preparation for my own graduation photo shoot. The semester ended, I took my last final and drove out of town like a thief in the freaking night.
In a way, I walked away from Logan empty-handed. I've never considered this until recently. In March, I stopped by my old apartment where my B.A. diploma had been mailed. It's currently still in its envelop and stashed amid my box of neckties.
I spent a lot of my last 7 months substitute teaching. Lately I've done a whole lot of nothin'. I'm in purgatory. I fantasize about living anywhere else. I was on a spree of listing cities I want to live in; Portland, Washington DC, Vancouver, SLC, whatever. Yet it wasn't until a couple days ago that I considered... perhaps I left Logan too soon.
I've had 0 desire to move back to Logan in the last 7 months. Until the other day. It's suddenly the only thing I want to do. Perhaps it's just my nature. Autumn is coming. I haven't spent an autumn anywhere other than Logan since 2011! I guess I could stay in Jerome. Or move to Seattle. But dang that small college town is calling my name. I am 100% it will be a different experience than it's ever been before. But that's actually kinda why I wanna do it.
There was a bunch of stuff I wanted to do, but never accomplished. There was also a bunch of stuff I didn't want to do, but actually accomplished that stuff for some reason. The good ol' days weren't always good. But I do love that damn town. I wouldn't mind doing new + different things while keeping the same ol' location.
You can say moving back is a step backwards for me, or I'll only be working somewhere that has nothing to do with my degree. That latter part is particularly true, but I'm okay with this. I kinda like the idea of saying "I'm from Logan, Utah." Not like I'm gonna live there the rest of my life, but I'm sure that sentence will come in handy some day.
What I'm leaving out of this story is my boring existential crisis that's been burning inside me on + off for the last 7 months. It's as though whether I saw myself continuing life as a professional stage manager or a local garbage man, I could neither get myself excited nor frightened about it. I've never watched Rick & Morty, but the 8-second video below is kinda the story of my life.

I owe a lot to Logan in strange ways. I put less than half my effort into music, writing, relationships... I got this piece of paper that declares me a societal success in the most arbitrary manner, but I didn't even finish my work. The universe has not even seen the left side of my brain.
Maybe I'll go back to school. Maybe I'll live in Logan for like 2 months and beg for any opportunity to get the heck outta there. For now, I feel overdue for a walk down Canyon Rd and Center St. That still hasn't gotten old.