I left for my mission on April 7, 2010.
I came back from my mission on April 11, 2012.
Now it is April 9, 2014.
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| Myself w/ my trainer Elder Reid Gardner in Mission, BC |
I served in the Canada Vancouver Mission, covering most of the province of British Columbia. I remember in the summer 2009, someone asked me what LDS missionaries do. I told them, "It's kinda like the Peace Corps, except you ask people if they wanna be a Mormon too." It's safe to say I had no idea what the heck I was getting myself into.
I got to serve in a wide variety of areas with a wide variety of companions. I often lost focus of my purpose that I was Divinely set apart to accomplish. This was because of my struggles with testimony. The LDS missionary purpose is basically to baptize people into "salvation," also becoming part of the "only true church." I never really thought about either of those things until the MTC.
It just
really bugged me when people would talk about the church like it was obvious knowledge. Whether it was deep doctrine ("this chapter talks about Kolob") or basic-yet-bold comments ("just have faith"), it bugged me. I felt like
nothing was obvious. It was frustrating.
I actually almost went home about 7 months into it. I never got homesick; I just felt really bad about myself all the time. And I had this mysterious chest pain that was apparently caused by mental stress. The week before my 20th birthday, I told my psychiatrist I was "80% sure" I was going home that transfer. She said, "Well, it sounds like you've already made your choice." In response, I told her something along the lines of "f*** you" in a politically-correct way. I said a prayer in the bathroom and decided to stay on the mission.
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| Me w/ Elder Ryan Reynolds & Ukiah Harfield in Sidney, BC |
I then started taking some anti-anxiety meds for 21 months, some of those months being after my mission. Those first few months after my mission were stupid. I did a lot of fun things but never had any fun doing them. I still struggled to breathe from my diaphragm. Music didn't feel like it used to. I didn't understand girls (possibly even less than before my mission, which is saying a lot.) I almost feel like I should apologize to people I met between April and October of 2012. I really don't need to. I'm just
a lot different now. However, in these 2 post-mission years, I've been doing the same thing I did on my mission, even the 19 years beforehand:
Changing.
Sometimes I digress, but I hope to progress. The fact that my personality keeps changing is a testament of the stuff that I
really believe in. The only reason I actually believe in "salvation" and eternal things is because I believe in repentance. Quite strongly, actually. It's still hard for me to wrap my head around the concept of faith sometimes, since I am often doubtful and existential. Sometimes I think to listen to Kendrick Lamar before I think to pray. I've got some room to grow. And looking into future things like careers and parenthood, I know I always will.
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| Myself, Logan Canyon, age 23 |
All 24 months of my mission were great. I agree with everyone who says its "the best 2 years
for your life." I learned that I should try to make every year of my life better by increasing in work-ethic, spirituality and being a sincere friend. I guess I still have the same purpose now as I did then, only I don't have to teach people. It's sad that the only people reading this are probably already LDS, because The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has taught me the greatest, life-changing lessons and
everyone should check it out. It still bugs me a little when people toss around terms like "the gospel is true" in a general, assumptive way. The fact that people do this so often is probably why non-LDS people never started reading this. However, I can't blame them too much. I've chosen not to be offended. It's all true. It's all good.
These days I run
a lot, play guitar
a lot, closely follow the "hip" music scene, do some journalism, study theater, and I'm sorry Pres. Nelson & Pres. Tilleman- but I'm still single! However, I am still active in the church & in the gospel. I see no reason why I shouldn't be.
