We have reached the halfway point of 2024.
Over the last few months, I've been trying to work up some deep personal commentary to share with friends in my social media world. Approaching midnight into June 30, this is as close as it's gonna get. It might even be short.
My springtime entered with a wake-up call that had me reeling over all my accumulated life choices and confusing experiences. It's true that I've been unrecognizable to my own self for most of my adult life. And while no overanalysis of my past could ever be enough for me to grasp an understanding of who I really am, I can only move forward from where I am right now anyways. Which has been harder for me to accept with each passing year.
Particularly as spring has turned to summer, my memories are torn between my favorite nights filled with my favorite friends and the ultimate experiences I desired but was never convinced could ever actually happen. And now a man at age 33, what hurts me most is that the story can never be the same. Whatever I wanted it to be, it's over. It seems possible to move forward, but it can never look the same as I desired it to be at age 18 or 25 or whatnot.
It's hard to see any pathways toward developing a testimony of any vital characteristic principles like love and work. It's hard to actually accept and view my life from where I am without the helpless yearning to go back. But it didn't use to be so hard. It used to be impossible.
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