Years Accumulate [enter 2023]

Most years are just ok. Some years are bad. A few years are good.

It's funny how little I care about New Year's Eve. Because I actually think about years a lot. Particularly with music. I always remember and rank album releases from each individual year. This is actually what helps me remember the specific years of my own life. Like, 2007 is when I started my junior of high school. I still remember the release of albums like Kala, In Rainbows and Graduation. There are a couple other factors that make years easy for me to remember. I graduated from high school in May 2009. Graduated college in December 2016. But throughout my adulthood, I remember years in waves of rising and falling mental health. 

I'm gonna say 2022 was just ok. Most of my bad memories were at least backed by some explanation. Being sick. Dealing with a foot injury. Finding out none of the psychiatric meds I was taking were actually recommended on my GeneSight test. Actually, yeah, the medication stuff was at the top of my list of troubles (and solutions). I went through strong medication changes in July and November. I'm glad I got that figured out. Most of my biggest emotional struggles I couldn't get over were associated with affects from specific individual pills. 

While things are better for me now than they were a couple months ago, I still wonder when my next "good" year is gonna arrive. I really hope it's 2023. I think that's possible. Different years come with different feelings. Like, I reminisce about 2019 because of the mind-blowing antipsychotics I was on at the time. I reminisce about 2016 because of my friends. I reminisce about 2013 because of my vast personal improvements beyond my multiyear stint with generalized anxiety disorder. I reminisce about 2008 and 2009 because of everything. A lot of the feelings I experienced during these years seem near-impossible to recapture. As though I've lost a lot of these good feelings and they can never come back. Particularly going back to when I was 18 and I felt more free, "in the moment," and like my true self. Luckily, I think it's possible to experience new brands of good memories.

Is it possible to predict how my 2023 will go? Nope. But I mean, I think it's going to be good. I don't have a lot of evidence behind that. I'm just going into it with a lot more emotional knowledge than usual. Equipped with good drugs and good therapy. And money. I have no idea what I'm going to do this year. Like, outside of clocking into work everyday, I have zero plans at all. I'd like to do what I'd like to do. Not so much what I may think I need, or what I impulsively want. Just doing what I'd like to do. Interpret that however you'd like.

I no longer remember the point of this blog post.