STRANGELY OPTIMISTIC
These last 8 months of my life have been spent divvying out my anxieties. Whether I've been aware of that or not, that's certainly what I've learned to do.
It's like a string of songs. There's the song where the singer admits that he's scared, followed by songs revealing what specific things he's scared of. I realized that when you consider how many things frighten you, or at least occupy your conscience, you have years' worth of writing material!
I was supposed to move out of town a couple days ago, but got into some car trouble. So I spent the week looking for a car. Bought one for $1000 last night. I'll be driving it to Logan, UT on Monday.
I felt a sense of completeness last night. That's something I haven't felt in a while.
By the way, I spent, like, over 2 months unemployed. I just want you to know that while the unemployed life is not as difficult as being employed, it sucks more. I think not working for a couple weeks is kinda fun. But anything beyond that is really stupid.
I was applying for jobs and stuff. All out of town. Usually for companies where I didn't have any connections. This was not smart. This was really stupid.
Anyways, I'm moving to Logan at the beginning of next week. I don't have a job lined up or any specific plan or anything, so it's whatever. Maybe I'll start a band or get married or something. People do those things, right? I'm strangely optimistic about my future!
OBLIGATORY PARAGRAPH ABOUT MUSIC
My last 8 months have been spent mostly in my own head. You can say that's depressing, but I'm pretty darn used to that way of living by now. Give-or-take the last 26 years.
If there's any album I learned to love over recently, it's Bonnie 'Prince' Billy's I See A Darkness. I read this initial 1999 review of it saying it demands reverence, and that changes everything for me. These songs are hymns, recorded as though Will Oldham were whispering them into your ear; mostly on the topics of death and loathing. Digging into that songwriter's career has been a riveting experience, I might add. Such a unique songwriter and expressive character. He's a hero of mine by now.
Also listened to XTC's Skylarking for the first time. It still blows my mind! There are no other 80's albums to compare it to. It's like the music Paul McCartney should have been recording during that time. All Sgt Pepper/Revolver fans and studio production junkies should check it out.
I SUCK
I suck at saying goodbye.
I keep thinking of listing off specific people I need to say goodbye to, but it never goes as planned. Even when you get the chance to give someone a farewell in person, it's awkward as all get-out!
Wish I could make my rounds and give individual people cheesy speeches in their honor. But I don't think that's how it works.
I find it overwhelming how people sound smart all the time. It's as though everybody knows everything! When someone rolls their eyes and says "[This person who isn't me] thinks they know everything," to me this is code for "I think I know everything." I intend to obliterate these thoughts from my mind as long as I live.
So, yeah. Logan's gonna be cool. It's gonna be different. Can't make any promises as to if I'm going to magically turn into some optimistic hard-working person, but it will be different. Some old friends, some new friends, yada-yada. I'm gonna have fun.
That diploma, pictured above? I still don't know what the heck it means.
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