This Is The Last Blogpost For 'Can't Write If You Can't Relate'

It's time to say goodbye to Can't Write If You Can't Relate.

IT'S BEEN REAL
Play some cheesy music you can cry (or laugh) to in the background as you read this:

I've been writing randomly assorted garbage on this blog for just a little under 5 years. 

Established in August 2012, we've seen some good times. 

This will be the 146th preserved post on this blog. Sounds like a lot, yet as I type this, this blog has 202 unfinished (and some formerly published) drafts.
The title of this blog comes from the 1994 hit "Loser" by Beck. In any writing circumstance, this is true. Poet Allen Ginsberg has advised to "Say only what we know and imagine." Anybody who's ever written a college paper can tell you it's hard to write about stuff you don't care about. This blog has been a safe-haven for me to write about stuff I've always assumed nobody cares about but me. Thank you for reading.

WHY I'M ENDING IT
Part of me wanted to make a list of The Greatest Blog Posts From The 'Can't Write If You Can't Relate' Blog Of All Time! But I just need to let it die.
Why am I ending this blog page? Not only does it lack public interest, it ultimately lacks direction.
See, sometimes my blogging habits are healthy in a stress-relieving way. Sometimes they are entertaining and I hear a lot of great feedback from you guys. Sometimes the depth of my writing is unhealthy; whether it's T.M.I stories about mental health or overloaded commentary on trivial matters. All in all, it's been a good ride. I've picked up a surprisingly steady fan-base. Now it's time for something different. Something professional, or perhaps even nothing at all.

MY FUTURE
I've never really known if I'm a great writer or not. Lots of people have told me over the years-- mostly friends popping out of the woodwork to compliment some blog I wrote-- and yet I have a hard time believing it. I don't feel like I've been wasting my time. Although I do think I could cut it down, and definitely give my writing some more focus.
If I apply for media jobs, do they really care about my high school stories and slew of music lists? Actually, maybe. But I believe they need to live in separate worlds. If I want a media job in the music industry, showing employers this blog may leave them confused/unimpressed. Also, I think I have a strange talent for writing comical stories-- taking something totally unimportant and turning into a faux-big-deal. If I continue blogging, I'll definitely continue with that and even try to improve on it.
I'm considering starting a more professional-looking blog on a different website, perhaps linking in with the blogosphere seeking as many followers as possible. I think it's worth a shot considering how much success I've gained thus far with my relatively "guerrilla-blogger" approach.
I guess I just do this for fun. If this is true, I need to cut my time spent doing it. Or perhaps this is a real talent and I'm ready for the major leagues. I'm pretty divided. We shall see.

LEGACY, ETC.
Anyways... it's been real. I'll say it again: Thank you for reading. Nobody should have to give a crap about this stuff, but you people click on it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who considers this the end of an era. That's okay.
I was gonna put a bunch of nostalgic-sentiment-triggering pictures here, but that stuff takes too long. The time has come to kill the beast.
Can't Write If You Can't Relate.
R.I.P!

A Post About The Barenaked Ladies

I wrote a blog about The Barenaked Ladies, my former favorite band, over 2 years ago. I redeemed my childhood love for them and redeemed their reputation as a great band. BnL has popped up a lot in my life this past week, so I needed to reiterate a few things.
Today, I cut the heavy reading and give you some lists with my straight-forward opinions attached below. None of the lists include music from post-Steven Page BnL, because I don't care.
Enjoy.

BRIEF DISCOGRAPHY OVERVIEW 

• Gordon 1992 "THE REALLY FREAKING GOOD ONE"
• Maybe You Should Drive 1994  "THE SOPHOMORE SLUMP"
• Born On A Pirate Ship 1996 "AT THEIR MOST POLARIZED"
• Rock Spectacle 1996 "SECRETLY THE MOST ENTERTAINING LIVE BAND EVER"
• Stunt 1998 "DECENT ALT-ROCK ALBUM"
• Maroon 2000 "LET'S MAKE STEVE DO ALL THE WORK"
• Everything To Everyone 2003 "HOLY BALLS THIS ALBUM SUCKS"
• Barenaked For The Holidays 2004 "ACCIDENTALLY MAKING THE GREATEST HOLIDAY ALBUM OF ALL TIME"
• Are Me 2006 "THE MATURE ONE"
• Are Men 2007 "YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU'RE GONNA MISS STEVE"

You may notice Are Me doesn't have any songs on my "BEST SONGS" list below, nor does it have any on the "WORST SONGS" list further below. A pretty safe album for newcomer fans. I believe the second quarter of Born On A Pirate Ship is pure gold, but it takes a true fan to survive the rest. Maybe You Should Drive really isn't that bad, it just comes off as a run-of-the-mill sequel to the lovable Canadian folk music singalong behemoth that was Gordon.
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THE 25 BEST BARENAKED LADIES SONGS

25 Helicopters 
24 Jane
23 Enid
22 Pinch Me
21 Off The Hook
20 War On Drugs 
19 Hello City
18 Straw Hat And Old Dirty Hank
17 Light Up My Room
16 Shoe Box
15 Testing 1, 2, 3
14 The Flag
13 Break Your Heart
12 Lovers In A Dangerous Time
11 Falling For The First Time
10 When I Fall
9 Wrap Your Arms Around Me
8 The Old Apartment
7 God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings (w/ Sarah McLachlan) 
6 Serendipity
5 Call And Answer
4 What A Good Boy
3 Too Little Too Late
2 If I Had $1,000,000
1 Brian Wilson

BnL always had the ability to tell an attention-grabbing story with plenty of instrumental variation. Musically, they never stuck with one sound, which is a compliment coming from an arrogant hipster like myself. All the songs listed above are great and have stood the test of time, in my book.
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THE 10 WORST BARENAKED LADIES SONGS

10 These Apples
9 Celebrity
8 Stomach v. Heart
7 Never Is Enough
6 (4-way tie) Everything To Everyone Tracks 10-13
5 Sell, Sell, Sell
4 Spider In My Room
3 Shopping (w/ The Blue Man Group)
2 What A Letdown
1 Another Postcard

"Another Postcard" was the freaking lead single for Everything To Everyone. It is also the closing credits song for the terrible 2016 animated film "Space Chimps." A sadly fitting stab to the throat representing its legacy. They didn't play it when we saw them live in 2006. I'm sure they want to forget this track as much as their fans do.
As for the rest of this list, I've never liked "Shopping." Tracks 10-13 of Eveything To Everyone is basically just a string of forgettable filler. I'm sure but a few of you have heard "Spider In My Room," and let me tell you... it's... about the most "WTF" song the band ever decided to record. "These Apples" has some cool instrumental performance chops, but for what purpose?
Anyways... long live these guys.

The Art Of The Back Catalog

Kendrick Lamar has made some of the most memorable music of the modern era, particular his work on his gargantuan good kid, m.A.A.d city and To Pimp A Butterfly albums. While young music junkies of the future may only cite these two albums as the shelf-keepers in his discography, those who lived to experience his career in action will remember his run of artistic persistence.

In other words: Kendrick Lamar now has one of the greatest back-catalogs of all time. 

Kendrick released his newest album DAMN a couple days ago, and it's been as hard to comprehend as it has been to avoid listening to it. It's a hot album, rich with life and personality. And yet, it's far from his best work. 

I only say this because his levels of ambition have been so high in the past. It's near impossible to beat the sprawling soundscapes of his past work. However, DAMN is a great album within its own right. If a rapper like Drake or even perhaps Vince Staples released something like this, we'd be considering it their magnum opus. For Kendrick, this is simply trying something new. And he aced the test-- as always-- in his own weird, human way.

Keep in mind that he's released 3 great albums within the last 25 months:

To Pimp A Butterfly (March 2015)

untitled unmastered (Jan 2016)

DAMN (April 2017)

Artists don't do this anymore. While Future and Young Thug may be releasing new music on a monthly basis, it's always a hit-or-miss experiment (I thought JEFFERY was really good, by the way). But my growing up in the Blogosphere era of music, I've become depressingly used to great artist releasing monumental albums on a 3-to-4-year basis like clockwork. Back in the day, the most popular and critically acclaimed artists were just supplying their fans like wildfire. Extreme examples of this include The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Velvet Underground, Bob Dylan. Imagine an artist just dropping a classic every year. 

While I can't call DAMN a classic, it suffices anything Kendrick needed to solidify his spot as an all-time great; an artist with a consistently satisfying career.

I've talked about how good kid, m.A.A.d city (2012) and To Pimp A Butterfly (2015) are already acclaimed as two of this decade's best albums and conceptual masterpieces. But lest we forget, they came from the same guy who made solid albums like Section.80 (2011), untitled unmastered (2016), and DAMN (2017). The same freaking guy. Say what you want about ranking all these albums, but Kendrick Lamar is undeniably on a roll.

I know I'm a sucker for the Blogosphere list-making world and praising the same artists that have received non-coincidental acclaim from the internet media... but I'm here to do it again!

Kendrick now joins the league of other artists who have released a winning streak of unique albums. Radiohead, The Pixies, Pink Floyd, Talking Heads to name a few. Of course I can't be as boastful a Millennial spirit to call him as great as these big-name artists from 40+ years ago who changed music forever. But from these last few years, he is, to me, obviously the best we got right now. 

On that note, U2 is a guest artist on one of his new songs. 

U2's music has been (respectively) immortalized by many. And if not plated in gold, their discography is definitely at least appreciated by all. On the new Kendrick track "XXX," Bono's vocal performance is not used as this world-conquering machine for sappiness, as it is simply a firm voice delivering an important message. It kinda naturally comes off like a dose of early-80s U2. 

I don't see acts like Kendrick or U2 as "perfect." But they don't make mistakes.

So yeah. You ask people what their favorite Pink Floyd album is, and you're gonna get a few different answers. Some of them might even say Meddle or Atom Heart Mother. Same thing goes for hardcore Zeppelin fans or The Smiths faithful. Joni Mitchell, Pavement, Prince... acts like these prove that sometimes your 5th best album is just as important as your best. Because your full catalog can be proof of your range of artistic ability. With DAMN, Kendrick Lamar shows us that he has nothing to prove, but he's still a busy guy anyway. 

Everything I do is to embrace y'all

Everything I write is a damn eight ball

Everything I touch is a damn gold mine

Everything I say is from an angel

-Kendrick Lamar, "GOD"

This is the only I've ever felt an emotional sentiment from hearing a rapper brag about themselves. Because I don't think Kendrick is bragging here. He's talking about himself, just as much as he's talking about you and me. He is merely an example of our individual power, influence and creativity. And I find that rather touching.