Everything Reminds Me Of Everything

Hey Man, Slow Down! Idiot, Slow Down!

Half of my readers recognize the statue pictured above from Temple Square in Salt Lake City. The other half will recognize the whole picture from the leaflet of Radiohead's OK Computer. Well, it's both. I've recently learned that Thom Yorke wrote a few songs in SLC and came to this statue for a place to refocus. This album was released in 1997. It was musically adventurous and the production was the sound of the future. But hey, I didn't hear it all the way through until I was, like, 18, 19. I bought this album in November of 2009. And today, it is extremely difficult for me to listen to it. 

Now as I said before, the music here is great and it still sounds like it came from outer space. Lyrically, this is straight-up depressing. Anxious. Bleak. Dismal. All too real for those who have suffered from mental illness. When I bought this album, I was unaware of my own mental downward spiral. And my immediate love for this album didn't help. 

I remember talking to a counselor in 2010/2011-ish who told me that General Anxiety Disorder was like playing a broken record in your mind. There are tons of negative phrases you repeat to yourself often. Now, it's not like I was haunted by Radiohead lyrics while I was on my LDS mission, but I've always since thought Thom's lyrical approach on this album was him releasing some of his broken-record-anxiety thoughts. "Fitter Happier" in a nutshell. Any time I try to visit this album, I kinda get taken back to my anxious 19-year-old self. I consider it a classic record and I enjoy playing individual tracks occasionally, but I haven't listened to this whole album in nearly 2 years. 

However, OK Computer seems like the pivotal album that reminds me of bad times. But I still think that "jet airline to Jesus Christ's thoughts" picture is awesome. And there are plenty of albums that remind me of GOOD times!

I've Been Wanting To Make This Graph!

I wrote this blog post in May where I claim I was finally learning to live in the moment again. Some of you must be thinking: "Scott, have you had struggles with living in the moment?" Actually, my adult life has been a psycho-emotional experience I can never fully grasp with words. So now-- ladies and gentlemen-- I present to you: The Scott Hall Adult Life Mental Health Line Graph! 

Exciting, isn't it! People can look at this and be like, "I met Scott when he felt super happy about himself! Nice!" Or perhaps, "I met Scott when he was going through a rough time! Oh shoot..." 

Mind you, the scoring system is all based on my own current opinion. I don't really score my mental health with some kinda government-funded testing on a regular basis. Although that low score for "Late 2010" can be backed up by some old paperwork from LDS Family Services. 

I spent a lot of time in the mid-low sections of this graph trying to relive past emotions. I've learned that such a mindset is doomed to fail. So I've been increasingly living in the present, trying not to think too much about my past or my future. And it works! I started feeling familiar and new feelings of happiness, relaxation and creativity! Then something happened to my present: I moved to Jerome, ID. I haven't lived in Jerome since I was a teenager.  

Summer 2016: Everything Reminds Me Of Everything!

This summer has been the ultimate test for me to live in the moment. I kicked it off with that blog post I cited earlier, feeling confident and positive. So I go back home... and everything I do reminds me of something I did a long time ago. 

-I ride my bike by my old high school, I feel like I'm in high school. 

-I listen to "Paranoid Android," I go back to my early anxiety days. 

-I listen to Sufjan Stevens, I suddenly go back to my best summer ever. 

-I listen to music from 2013, I feel like it's 2013. 

-I eat some dinner my mom made, I recall the first time I ever ate it. REALLY, ANYTHING.

Trying to collect the many eras of Scott this summer is worthy of its own roller coaster line graph. I present to you: The Scott Hall Summer 2016 Mental Health Line Graph!

Everything I wrote on there is true. The bad days at work, the owl, the headaches, the pizza, whatever! I really hope people don't worry about me when they see this. See, all those little things like the decline from "pizza" to "headache?" That's all temporary. True, but temporary. The numbers here throughout the summer stay relatively high. But yeah, lately... everything reminds me of everything! And it's as cool as it is annoying!

This whole graph-filled blog might just be my outlet trying to explain the high points and frustrations of my summer. It also might have just been a way for me to show off my Radiohead critique. Either way, I go back to Logan in one week. My days have been, mentally, perfectly fine. The whole overload of nostalgic feelings? I've decided it's kinda funny. And also considering my situation-- living with my parents again and all-- it's kinda normal. Beyond this point, there's no reason to overthink my mind-boggling (but overall, pretty good) summer. I have bigger fish to fry. 

As long as we're living in the moment, we're gold. 

Bam. 

Moral of the story. 

Time for some "Exit Music (For A Blogpost)." 

Cue corny movie credits music. 

JT.

The Value of a Memory

Every summer, both the good and the bad, I go through a "mid-summer crisis." I get this irked feeling inside like I'm not doing my summer the right way. Where are the good times? Where are the long summer nights? Where are the memories?
I've had a few forces against me this summer. I had a lot of good friends in Logan, but I left them all to save some money by living at home with my parents in Jerome. Compared to the classic college town Logan, there aren't too many people my age around here. Also, I was starting to get migraines consistently towards the end April. Unfortunately, this hasn't stopped for the last 2 months. I guess I'd be pretty justified to complain about my 2016 summer nights spent in my parents' basement with a proverbial anvil pushing against my forehead. But I digress. My mentality this summer has one thing that has both been killing me and keeping me alive: Memories.
As I mentioned earlier, memories of summers past leave me wanting more and bury me in a mid-summer crisis. But I've also developed a more positive perspective. I look back and smile with the corniest sense of nostalgia as I remember my favorite songs and favorite friends from those summers. I have hope that this summer will be perfectly fine, whether or not I make new memories. And even if I tried to create my very own "night to remember," moments like that cannot be forced. They kinda just happen.
The best summers of my life (so far), I just so happened to be closely surrounded by some of the nicest, most influential people possible. I've learned to be grateful for all those, what I've learned from them, and the experiences we shared. Here are some examples.

2008 Jerome, ID
I was really shy during my first summer in Jerome (2007), but I did meet some great people during that time. I kinda did the math and decided to increase my time spent with them in 2008. This particular summer, I had high school buddies hang out with. I was also in a local play, The Laramie Project, where I built some new friendships (as most plays do). I fell in love with late nights. I remember listening to tons of Beck and R.E.M, and watching Phineas and Ferb after part-time shifts at Ridley's.

2009 Stanley, ID

My first summer at Redfish was so good, I worked there 2 more times! I was 18, freshly graduated and this was my first summer away from home. I romanticize this summer a bit much, but I admit the first 3 weeks were rough for me. I shared a cabin with an underage drunkard and a compulsive liar (I never knew they were real!), yet eventually learned to love the heck out of them. I would've stayed in my shell that summer if it wasn't for the hard-working Clegg family, the ever-positivist Jodi Crozier and the cabin of super nice girls who lived next door. I also made great friendships with my alcohol-drenched and marijuana-stench co-workers, who shared my taste in music. I remember discovering new heights in the Sawtooth Mountains and constant listens to Illinois and Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.

2011 Langley, BC

By all means, I could leave this one out. I was on anti-anxiety meds (respectively) the entire time. But I was blessed with great companions and a bunch of outgoing missionaries who lived nearby. Our district was always tight-knit. We were all super different, but always somehow got along; making memorable P-Days and keeping track of each others' work. I guess it also helped that the only LDS temple in British Columbia was in my church parking lot. No musical memories will be shared for this summer, for they were later dubbed "irreverent" for mission standards... 

2013 Logan, UT
Ah, yes, my first summer in Logan! I probably wouldn't have had a lot of my best memories if it wasn't for always being welcome at the Rob Owens/Andrew Sieggen apartment. Many other friendships spurred from that friend-base. I remember pulling through with terrible jobs at call centers and factories. I had many listens to the new Daft Punk and Vampire Weekend albums. I had no idea I was living what I would later refer to as "the good old days." Things were so much better than I had believed at the time.

Which brings me back to this summer. Sometimes I get caught up in the science of making a memory. Sometimes I've thought all these summers were kinda based around me having friends who were more social/outgoing than me. I guess at the end of the day, it's all about attitude, optimism, living in the moment... to be grateful in any circumstance. This summer, I won't let my health or my change of scenery bring me down.
With the choices you make, you are either building something to look forward to or something to look back on. The risk, the cost of making a memory is based on your own willingness to act; to do! The remaining value is priceless.

2016 Music Mid-Year Report: "meh."

It's been hard to follow the music scene this year. It's been a year of "meh." Whatever my vote is for Album Of The Year, it will come in the second half of this year. At least I hope so. Because yeah, I've heard some good and great albums so far. But nothing beyond that. I'm still waiting for the big one.
If anything is interesting in the music world this year, it's where the best music is coming from. In February, two of the most entrepreneurial artists from last decade (Animal Collective + Kanye West) released albums in the same week!
...And they were both "meh."
When the underground experimental icons Animal Collective become irrelevant and the beat-making machine Kanye West becomes lazy, we know something's awry in the music world. But let's judge what the music scene's like by looking at some of my favorite albums of 2016 so far.

The Old Guys Strike Back
Radiohead A Moon Shaped Pool 
Age of average band member: 46.8. I didn't think I'd be a fan of a new Radiohead album. Everything's felt like an electronica-flavored downhill slope after In Rainbows. Yet Johnny Greenwood's recently taken to composing symphonic movie soundtracks, which shows on every track on this album. The production from Nigel Godrich sounds as up-to-date as ever. Thom Yorke is an old fart now and can no longer vocalize paranoia like he used to. Here, he instead plays a sentimentally existential narrator. The album may seem boring to some, but I hear aging music prophets admitting that they've considered giving up (love? music? life itself? something). Backed by some of their most complex harmonies yet, it fills a missing space in their catalog.
Sturgill Simpson A Sailor's Guide to Earth 
Age: 38. A major-label country album? On a Scott list? Say it ain't so! I'll admit, this album is as corny as it is wise. An unlikely favorite. It's a concept album based on Sturgill's letters to his wife and son while he was serving for the U.S. Navy, based in Japan. The strings sound nostalgic and the horns sound raw throughout the album. He gives an album full of life lessons while making references to Kim Jong-il and Nintendo 64. The album's center-pieced by a Waylon Jennings-esque cover of Nirvana's "In Bloom," which flows remarkably, strangely natural with the album in both theme and composition. Then he wraps up the album with an old-man rant about the media where he violently sums up all the beautiful life lessons he's given us: "The bullshit's got to go!" 
David Bowie Blackstar 
Age: 69 (deceased). I had a hunch this album was gonna be good with its two lead singles "Blackstar" and "Lazarus." The album did not disappoint. Now when we listen to this, it's hard not to think about his death that closely followed its release. Almost every song on here talks about death. Dying between a Sunday night and a Monday morning, we now have the only logical (and prophetic) interpretation of the lyric "Where the f*** did Monday go?" And even without his death, you can't deny that Bowie worked his butt off on this album, which contains his most consistently exciting work in years. This might be my favorite album of the year so far.
And that's what's wrong with 2016. Upon first listen, I imagined this song making my top 10 list at the end of the year. But #1? We still have 6 months...

Hip-Hop, etc
Anderson .Paak Malibu
R&B songwriter Anderson .Paak showed up on last year's Dr. Dre album. If he didn't have a proper follow-up album, his name could be easily forgotten with time. But Paak delivers a different story track-after-track on Malibu. The music is R&B, but the beats are hip-hop. Frank Ocean hasn't released in album in 4 years, so this might be as close as we're gonna get.
Kendrick Lamar untitled unmastered.
It's no surprise that Kendrick Lamar is on this list. What's surprising is that this is what his music sounds like when he's not even trying! 34 minutes of demo tracks, and it's still the most quality jazz instrumentals and straight rapping I've heard all year. Without any glossy production work (or even song titles), Kendrick shows versatality in his songwriting with his least commercial release yet.
Chance The Rapper Coloring Book
I've always passed Chance The Rapper off as "meh." I've loved a couple tracks by him, but he hasn't kept me invested for an entire album until now. These songs are beautifully textured with gospel and jazz elements. The production is top-notch, especially on "No Problem" and "Angels." I guess that out of all 14 tracks, there are a couple duds. But the high moments are glorious; themed around family, memories and praise. Actually, this album might be my favorite album of the year so far.
And this is also a problem with 2016. The actually "rapping" on here is easily beat out by Kendrick, among others. But if anything, the aesthetic of this album is possibly this year's most colorful. Chance The Rapper could respectively be renamed Chance The Producer. I guess with so many "scene" rappers trying to make their own Dark Fantasy, it's nice to have a Coloring Book.

More Than "meh." 
--Beyonce's Lemonade is actually pretty memorable. I'm glad popular artists like her are getting more personal. But on the other hand, where's the commercial love for Benji? Everybody in America wants to know who "Becky with the good hair" is, but nobody asks about "the girls at Panera Bread." 
--James Blake's The Colour In Anything is way too long, but if you like James Blake, it's worth it just to hear his voice for 75 minutes.
--Car Seat Headrest's Teens Of Denial proves that they're more than just some middle-of-the-road indie rock band. The songs are musically epic and lyrically intriguing. It's growing on me.
--Parquet Courts' Human Performance is their best in 3 years. It's not scrappy minimalist punk by any means. I'd say the guitars sound "cold."
--Swans' The Glowing Man would fall under the "old guys" category, but I have so much to write about it, I can't help but be overly brief: It's scary.
--King Gizzard & The Lizard's Wizard Nanagon Infinity has the most random shtick any album's ever had: The beginning literally loops with the album's end. You can hit the CD repeat button a CD player and there will be no hiccup between listen 1 and listen 2. I mean, the album itself is pretty good. Some violent, weird, psych-rock/garage-rock. Not sure what it all means though...
--David Cobb gets various country artists on his Southern Family compilation concept album. All songs written and produced by Cobb, we hear artists like Jason Isbell, Jamey Johnson and Miranda Lambert present individual members of a southern family.
--Death Grips' Bottomless Pit sounds like a Death Grips album.

Me, Myself + 69 Love Songs

I bought The Magnetic Fields' 69 Love Songs a couple weeks ago. I've heard some tracks on here multiple times, but never bought the album because I never thought I'd have enough time to hear the whole thing. I had done it before, but admit I'd get a headache about 90 minutes in. But now that I have it on-hand at all times, I can listen to it however I want. And it's made all the difference.
It's hard to say what makes 69 Love Songs so amazing. For me, the only way to explain it is to dig somewhere extremely personal. So let's go there.
About one year ago, I posted about this album on facebook: 
"I don't know why this album always makes me cry."
I know darn well why I cry to this album. It has to do with the way I think. The way my mind has always worked. As far back as I can remember. The one thing that's always made me feel hard to relate to other people. Something that makes me hesitant to be too open with others. The main thing I've always thought made me "different." I feel like I'm never being 100% myself to others because I hide this from everyone. I feel weird trying to explain it, but here I go...
Every day of my life, at least once a day, I make songs. In my head. As far back as I can remember, I've made a song for everything at least once in my life. It's hard to literally "write"songs, especially with such an overload of ideas. And it's not like I remember all my song ideas. They're countless. And I don't even like everything I come up with. I say the one thing holding me back from sharing my music all these years is that I don't even know where to start! It's just the way I've thought out things throughout my life and I don't have a lot to show for it.
I could come up with a song right now and it'd be easy. It would sound at least okay. I could improvise a song for you now, and it would sound conventional, direct and prepared. Song ideas are on my mind constantly. When you see me staring into space, there's a chance I could be in the process of coming up with a new one. I still don't know what it means after all these years.
Maybe this is all too much info for you guys... but in the meanwhile, this is how I intimately relate to the giant musical mix-bag that is 69 Love Songs. 

When I hear this album, I'm convinced that there's somebody else in this world whose brain functions like mine does; coming up with songs constantly, automatically. And then this brilliant bastard got his band together and for once, decided he'd record as many of them as possible. Songwriter Stephin Merritt took on every OCD-songwriter's nightmare here: He wrote and recorded 69 love songs. 
Merritt says: 
"69 Love Songs is not remotely an album about love. It's an album about love songs, which are very far away from anything to do with love." So not all these are "I love you" songs. There's plenty of intriguing song topics spread throughout the album. 
And as much as I love ambitious albums, I can't just like an album because it has 69 songs on it. That was my issue at first; I questioned whether all 69 songs were actually good. The music can be pretty goofy and the lyrics can be stupid. On my most recent listen, I listened to disc 3 first and it sounded much better to me. I'd say there are only a couple songs that rub me off wrong, but I'm amazed at how different each song sounds from another! The fact that he actually wrote all of these is amazing. It's all so lovably dry, written by a man who literally only wears shades of brown. No song is instrumentally or lyrically uninteresting. They're sung between 5 different lead singers, male and female. Merritt himself sings some songs, and personally accounts for contributing over 60 different instruments! Some songs are written from homosexual and bisexual perspectives. Merritt is openly gay, which can bizarrely catch folks by surprise in some lyrics lyrics.
The production is hard to compare to anything else. It mostly sounds dinky. I love the stuff I've heard from The Magnetic Fields' early work, yet only a few songs on 69 Love Songs remind me of their previous work. Sure it's from the 90's lo-fi label Merge Records-- and it sounds lo-fi-- but it doesn't remind me at all of Superchunk or Neutral Milk Hotel. These guys try to cover so many genres on these 69 songs, it can be either laughable or overwhelming.

If there's any other reason for my crying to this album, it's the fact that most of these songs are actually really sad. Simple in nature, but usually have depressing story-endings. There's a bunch of background story to making of this album, but I'll leave the mythology and legend-seeking to you guys. I just have a lot to say about the actual product. So I made a list of my favorite songs on it. My 33 Favorite Songs from 69 Love Songs! Not a short list for a not-short album. I added some occasional commentary.

33 Wi' Nae Wee Bairn Ye'll Me Begett  
^If campfire songs were written by the nerdiest people in the world, they'd sound like this.
32 World Love 
31 Busby Berkeley Dreams 
30 Fido, Your Leash Is Too Long 
29 When My Boy Walks Down the Street 
28 Time Enough for Rocking 
27 Kiss Me Like You Mean It 
26 A Pretty Girl Is Like 
25 Love Is Like a Bottle of Gin 
^"Love is like a bottle of gin, but a bottle of gin is not like love."
24 How to Say Goodbye 

23 I'm Sorry I Love You 

22 Acoustic Guitar 

21 Meaningless 

20 Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits 

^You know what this song is about.

19 No One Will Ever Love You 
18 (Crazy for You But) Not That Crazy 
17 I Shatter 
16 The Death of Ferdinand de Saussure 
^Apparently among the most influential linguists of the 20th century.
15 Sweet-Lovin' Man 
14 A Chicken with It's Head Cut Off 
13 Epitaph for My Heart 
12 Absolutely Cuckoo 
11 Come Back from San Francisco 
^This song makes me cry the most. I think it's based on a true story. 
10 Long-Forgotten Fairytale
9 I Think I Need a New Heart 
8 Yeah! Oh, Yeah! 
^Not a love song.
7 The Way You Say Good-Night 
6 I Don't Believe in the Sun 
5 Papa Was a Rodeo 
^As funny as it is sad. There's a twist at the end!
4 The Book of Love 
3 I Don't Want to Get Over You 
2 The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side 
^She's the girl every guy wants. You're ugly. But you own a convertible. Wanna go for a ride?
1 All My Little Words 

Personality Factor Test Results

These are results from a lengthy online personality test I took via Personality Factors (personalityfactors.net). The website takes your answers and estimates the impact each of their 16 personality factors have on your life. They're estimated in percentages (not adding up to 100%, just on average). I've presented them in order of lowest percentages to highest. I also added literal definitions of the personality traits. I can only assume you see those words at the bottom and you automatically think of me. hehe...

Distrust 4
the feeling that someone or something cannot be relied on

--


Emotionality 21
the observable behavioral and physiological component of emotion, and is a measure of a person's emotional reactivity to a stimulus

--

Anxiety 42
a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome

--

Orderliness 50
associated with other qualities such as cleanliness and diligence—and the desire for order and symmetry, and is generally considered to be a desirable quality

Assertiveness 50
the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive

--

Reserve 54
refrain from using or disposing of (something); retain for future use

--

Emotional Stability 63
refers to a person's ability to remain calm or even keel when faced with pressure or stress

Friendliness 63
the quality of being friendly; affability

--

Imagination 67
the ability to form new images and sensations in the mind that are not perceived through senses such as sight, hearing, or other senses

Gregariousness 67
fond of the company of others; sociable 

--

Intellect 71
the faculty of reasoning and understanding objectively, especially with regard to abstract or academic matters

Sensitivity 71
the quality or condition of being sensitive

--

Warmth 79
the quality, state, or sensation of being warm; moderate and comfortable heat

Dutifulness 79
Careful to fulfill obligations 

Self-Reliance 79
reliance on one's own powers and resources rather than those of others

--

Complexity 83
the state or quality of being intricate or complicated

My Semester, Explained In A Soundtrack

How did my semester go?
Well, between stage managing my first show, oddball relationship scenarios, foot injuries, a stint with internet dating, and working 4am shifts awhile assistant stage managing a musical... it was easily one of my favorite semesters of my life.
Here's a storied soundtrack.

JANUARY
I Know There's Gonna Be (Good Times) Jamie xx (ft Young Thug and Popcaan)

This song gets stuck in my head at least once a day. For the last 6 months. I never liked The xx or Young Thug, but together they made the catchiest song of 2015.
NSFW. Very NSFW. Actually, don't listen to it. 'Tis quite vulgar.


Damage Yo La Yengo

"I used to think about you all the time. Now it just feels weird; there you are."

Does anybody else feel this way in a relationship? It's an awkward transition for an underdog. And nobody knows more about social anxiety romance as well Yo La Tengo.

If I Could Cry (It Would Feel Like This) Jens Lekman

Jens Lekman's Night Falls Over Kortedala is a literal list of the most important girls in his life; friends, girlfriends, crushes, sisters, etc. Listening to this album was like an oracular prelude to my breakup experience. When the moment hit me, the song I turned to most was the only one that didn't talk about a girl. These are the entire lyrics: "If I could cry, if I could cry, if I could cry, it would feel like this."
Cue the hand claps!



FEBRUARY
Make You Feel That Way Blackalicious

I've been a stickler against positive hip-hop for years now. In search of new music, I went to Tiny Mixtapes' Favorite 100 Albums of 2000-2009. Stumbled across Blackalicious, a rap duo straight outta Sacramento. Somehow, this psychedelic rap song-- that goes over winning championship games, brand new days, chilling with your family-- won my cold heart.


I Luv The Valley OH! Xiu Xiu

Another find from TMT's 2000's list. Pitchfork's Brian Howe describes this song as "someone vividly describing their pain." Of all the songs on this playlist, I doubt anyone would like this one (namely for the hollow screaming mid-way through). But to me, it's dark, beautiful, mysterious. I love its song structure more than its pain. This will be on my shuffle for a long time.



Iron Galaxy Cannibal Ox

Produced by El-P in 2001, Cannibal Ox's The Cold Vein is the perfect underground hip-hop album. Members Vast Aire and Vordul Mega present two depressed black kids from Harlem who are acquainted with the streets but rather enjoy playing Dungeons & Dragons. This song tries to make the sonic sounds of the future on a $10 budget.
NSFW



MARCH
Song for the Asking Simon & Grafunkel

Even more so than most Logan winters, this winter was butt-crack cold. Even when there were turds of snow left on the ground, I considered it "spring" enough for me. I had been wearing shorts around the house since Valentine's Day. To me, nothing transitions winter into spring like Simon & Garfunkel. This song surprisingly brought me to tears in a humbling moment this year.



Random Rules Silver Jews

Loved this song for a while now. Love it to death. Finally bought the album via Amazon. It apparently got lost in the mail and I had to cancel the order.
But at least I got my refund.



Little Green Joni Mitchell

I've listened to Blue a million times. Wasn't until this semester that "Little Green" hit me in the soft spot. Much like my life, things were  100% "green, like the color when the spring is born," and there was "sometimes sorrow." But it became one of the greatest semesters of college life.




APRIL
Holes Mercury Rev

I missed Priesthood session of LDS General Conference because I was ASM at a Dogfight rehearsal (as usual). I later attended the music recital for a friend of mine. On this warm night, I had an overarching "in-the-moment" feeling I hadn't felt since I was 18. I recall standing outside, looking to the stars, soaking in the moment.
Long ago, a counselor once warned me, "Don't freak out once you start feeling things again." I forgot that advice this night and got lost in this song. Glad it happened though.


Someday The Strokes

As I started to live in the moment again, I was able to feel the amount of love I have for my friends.
This was one of my favorite songs back in high school; a soundtrack for my yearbook-ready mind. As sad as the lyrics may seem, this song finally has me reminiscing about the good times again, just like it did high school. There are people in my life now who I will miss dearly when they leave. I'm grateful for what I have now; emotionally, socially, literally.

You Get What You Give New Radicals

Like I said before, I usually dislike positive messages in music. But I've always loved this song, and it means more to me now than ever before. I feel like I've found what truly matters to me in this life. I can breathe from my diaphragm and not worry about everything everywhere I go. Maybe I'll write a hit song about it.

10 Days of Tinder

I've never tried out internet dating. I've always hated it. Thought it to be a sign of desperation. Although I've recently discovered that it's something done by even the most commendable of my friends. Not everybody uses Tinder, but anybody. So I decided I'd give it a shot, if only temporarily. I wanted to know who does internet dating, and I wanted to know why. I wanted to know how to do it right. I wanted to know what it meant. So I now give you: The 10 Days of Tinder.

OK, so the app was actually called "6tin," but it's all the same crap.

What Happened
I felt surprisingly shameless the entire time. I started off wanting to be the most superficial swiper possible. The first day, I was borderline-addicted. Thought to myself, "I may have to do this for longer than 10 days!" As experimental and fast-paced as my experience was, I was doing it the wrong way. And I'm not referring to morally or tactically. I mean, like, literally.
I went a few hours without knowing you could actually press on the picture and actually learn about the person. How did I not know that? How did I not assume that? Anyways, once I figured that out, I was still loving it. Not sure why, but for the first day, it seemed like the app was working as fast as I was using it. For the next 9 days, it got slow and the became less appealing. I spent more time looking at bio's than pictures. Some of the people they were offering me weren't even in the same state. Weird.
I had heard that it's a classic pattern to just swipe right on every single person to get more matches, where you can narrow it down from there. I think I tried this once for a spree of 10 photos. Can't remember how it turned out. Most of the time, I was actually pretty picky. My reasoning as to who I'd sweep right was beyond anything theoretic. I'd swipe right I found them attractive, yeah. But profiles were super important. I made some harsh judgments. Some examples:

(poorly-angled, sepia-tone photo of girl making duck face) SWIPE LEFT
"Looking for a cowboy ;)" SWIPE LEFT
"Common Interests: Kendrick Lamar, Thomas S. Monson" SWIPE RIGHT

I noticed about half the girls on there specifically wrote the words "Not looking for a hookup." It's sad how often guys out there actually do use Tinder just for that. Yet I know 0 of these people. I think it's gotten to a point where perhaps guys and girls need to make all their intentions known. Like maybe honest profiles that state things like:

"Semi-sexually frustrated Christian male looking for make-out buddy."
"I'm here because all the girls I actually know hate me."
"I am here for sex."

Any information about your moral standing is appreciated, good or bad. In Utah, stating whether or not you're LDS is a popular thing to point out, but I suppose it's for good reason. But you guys don't want to hear my boring thoughts about how the website works. You want to know the juicy stuff!

The Matches
So the first time I got a Match, I kinda felt like this:

Hear that? It's the sound of sweet victory blended with pure luck.
A match kinda means something to me in the Tinder universe. Considering how often I swept left, I had kinda set it up so that the matches I got were with girls I actually wanted to match with. In short, they were cute girls. The match itself was always exciting, but what follows? Most of the time not much at all.
Well, here are the stats and stories! I will be leaving out names...

-12 Matches
4 of these unmatched me immediately, so I don't really count those. Technically, I got 8.
Why did they unmatch me right away? I'm not sure. My best assumption is that these girls were sweeping right for any guy and once they actually looked me up, they realized they were uninterested and hid the the evidence. To quote the Barenaked Ladies: "Can you blame 'em? Well, yeah."

-4 Matches Who Actually Messaged Me
...Ouch. I was worried at first, like it wasn't normal. Then once I started messaging more often, I realized I actually hated Tinder messaging. So in a weird way, I thank the non-respondent girls for not wasting my time (or theirs).
I had a match with this one girl on Day 2. I had never met her before, but I had actually seen her name/face a million times. With nearly 40 facebook friends in common, she pops on my facebook news feed all the time in the "People You May Know" section. Weird, I know. When I matched with her, I was going to quit right then and there. I felt like I had succeeded as a social networker! And it was somewhat of an attractiveness-confidence boost. So I messaged her and never heard anything back. I guess we'll cross paths eventually. Until then, this whole ordeal was pretty comical and I have people I can annoy about it.
As for the girls who messaged me, they all had different outcomes. One girl messaged with me for a few days and we eventually met. Another had sent me 2 messages and I was starting to get bored with Tinder, so I asked her on a date immediately and never heard back from her. That was a bad move on my part, but somewhat on purpose... I'll get to that later. One girl started off messaging a lot, then kinda faded out. The best story here is a girl who looked at my photos and told me she liked my mustache. I had to break it to her that I shaved mustache 3 weeks ago. She unmatched me shortly thereafter. Who knew the 'stache was the key?

-1 Date
It was refreshing to know I had been messaging a real person. Legit. We met on campus and had smoothies. It was a good time.

Facts + Tacts

From a video titled "What NOT to Say on Tinder" (Simple Pickup): Avoid the general and boring. It works in real life, but this is an app with specific features and you need to take advantage of that. Use the bio info! Prove that you're a living human being.
The rest of that video mention above really sucks, but I thought that this was a great point. 2 of the girls who never responded to me were greeted with a pretty boring/general message from me.
As for how to keep up the conversation, I dare say it's all luck, If you're actually attracted to other person and what they're saying, it's a lot easier. Just keep asking questions and you can learn a lot. I know that if I myself ever lost interest, I'd wait longer to respond. As members of an non-personal internet dating site, we owe almost nothing to each other. We don't have to have thriving text-ersations with everyone. Just avoid booty calls.

The Conclusion

You get to know people on Tinder via text messaging. And still, after over 10 years of being a popular practice, texting is still bad communication. I had to quit. I hate the idea of getting to know someone through texting. In comparison to doing so in real life, it's pretty stupid. 
In Tinder's defense, the one immediate thing you learn about the other person is if they're attracted to you. In real life, it's the other way around. You can be talking with a girl for a week and maybe start to read some signals. On Tinder? Right off the bat, the two persons find each other cute. But it may take you an entire week to find out what their major is. I was never really sure whether to prolong the conversation or just ask to meet right away. I can see reasoning for both.
So it changed my dating life a little bit, if not my dating perspective. And not every Tinder user is totally desperate. Most of them aren't. But text messaging is bad communication. I'm done, son!

Here's my favorite song about internet dating.