Cache Valley's Small Towns, Ranked

Some of the best perks of living in Logan aren't in Logan at all.
Cache Valley is home of the best-- and the dumbest-- small towns imaginable. We've got places with canyon access and we've got places with terrible water quality. I'm not sure how many towns are exactly in Cache Valley... but here's 20 of them. And they're ranked!

NOT ON THE LIST Nibley
Nibley is like this crappy swamp-like area crammed along Highway 165. In July 2014, residents had to use water from bordering towns because City of Nibley's water quality was too poor to drink or make use of. Yeah, screw this place.

20 Riverside
I've never stepped out of the car in Riverside, but it's got nice houses. Kinda like LA.

19 College Ward
I never knew this place existed until one summer two of my friends moved there. I'm convinced the street they lived on was the only street in town.

18 Dewyville + Garland
I don't think I've been to these places, but they have cool names.

17 Benson
Benson Dam is kinda pretty, although my experience is peppered with bad memories of an old job I had where I'd  hang out with a developmentally-disabled individual who liked to fish there. I'd just sit on a rock and watch him catch carp while he cranked up 2000's techno for 2 hours.

16 Hyde Park
You look at the side of the hill in Hyde Park and you'll see giant houses stacked on top of each other. You can actually drive to the biggest, highest house. It looks like a ski resort from afar, but I've mistakenly been in their driveway. It has a South African flag! And oh yeah, I got a driving ticket in Hyde Park before. So screw this place.

15 Tremonton
I've been here multiple times before I moved here. It's a useful rest stop beside I-84. But most importantly; It has a Denny's! You can eat there at 3:00am! Which I I've done.

14 Smithfield
The Zipf family lives here. They're pretty cool. They get ducks, owls and skunks. And the access to Smithfeild canyon is an understated green area I highly recommend.

13 Lewiston
Lewiston has a movie theatre that shows 1 movie at a time. It also has a gas station with a super ghetto bathroom. I found this town on a random car ride with Keith Jackman. That random.

12 Richmond
If you want to get a deliciously greasy heart attack, I highly recommend Big J's Burgers. They serve burgers, Mexican food and pizza at a wholesale price. And oh yeah, I seriously had a job interview to be a drama teacher at their high school when I was a freshman in college! What were they thinking?

11 Clarkston
Oddball LDS historic figure Martin Harris is buried in Clarkston. The town holds an outdoor Martin Harris Pageant every summer by their cemetery, including questionable acting and small town theatrical technique. (sigh) Gotta love this place!

10 Wellsville
Wellsville has a mountain range named after it. It also has this neat-o tabernacle building on Main Street. And the American Heritage Center hosts Baby Animal Days every year. Bonus!

9 Newton

Roommate Tyson at Newton Dam

I don't think anybody actually "lives" in Newton, but Newton Dam is borderline gorgeous. It's where I learned how to play the world's greatest sport: Watermelon Polo.






8 River Heights
River Heights has the world's coolest playground! And I have relatives buried in its cemetery.

7 North Logan
North Logan should be ranked lower. It has a terrible Wal-Mart which clogs surrounding traffic like Big J's Burgers does to your arteries. However, it also has Green Canyon! Possibly my favorite local trailhead. Just look out for bears (not a joke).

6 Paradise
Paradise has a spacious, green landscape that's great for building environmentally with giant houses that are arguably bad for the environment. But yeah, I'd live there. And it has cool abandoned buildings that are impossible to break into. Don't ask me how I know that...

5 Millville

The park in Millville

I was giving my ol' 1984 Honda Accord a winter test drive one December night when all the sudden I was surrounded by Christmas lights. I didn't see any buildings, just some quaint Christmas decorations along the telephone polls. I was apparently in Millville. Also, it's got this park placed right next to somebody's horse field. You can go and pet them, if they like you. Horses don't like me for some reason. Also, it's got a canyon entrance, notably for 4-wheelers. Also, there's a USU/government-ran wildlife center where they nurse wolves and coyotes. They'll tell you to drive off the property if you get too close. Don't ask me how I know that...




4 Mendon

Cache Valley below/behind us

Mendon Days is cutest darn summer festival you will ever see. This town also has the only access I know to enter the steep Wellsville Mountains. Great hikes there! I have a funny story about my car breaking down there. And my buddy Rob has a funny story about running into an unattended robot operation there... No, really.





3 Avon

Floating bondfire at Porcupine Dam

Avon is officially the middle of nowhere. It's home of Porcupine Reservoir, where I was introduced to cliff jumping and floating bonfires. Both epic, by the way. It's also an entrance to this sketchy dirt road that swerves through some mountain/tundra terrain which leads you to Weber County. Apparently you can hunt moose and elk around there.








2 Hyrum
Hyrum! Home of Hyrum Reservoir! A great place to hang-glide, eat pizza, or take a pee break! This is also where I've seen a hokey fireworks show every 4th of July. Main Street has some great Christmas decorations and some dude who lives there used to have a bison in his yard. Bison are always cool. This is where USU holds Big Band Swing dances, which are fun, 50% of the time.

1 Providence
Providence is as close as Cache Valley gets to Mayberry. It's where my gramma Kay Empey grew up as a child. I've found her old street corner, which probably looks just as quaint as it did back then. In preparation for my first half marathon, I eventually ran every street in Providence. On Saturday mornings, elderly folks would wave at me from their front porches. There's a nice canyon entrance that marks the halfway point of my 10-mile route. Perhaps Providence is my #1 due to my personal, biased, intimate connection with all its streets.