2015: The Year I Learned Stuff

2015 has possibly been the most beneficial year for self-development in my life. Was it the best? I hope not. But somewhere between the beginning and end of this year, I learned how to make "the best year of my life" possible.
Like most years, it started in January...

The 18 Credit Semester

New Year: Be Positive 
I made a vague New Year's resolution to be a positive person. I always knew myself to be self-conscious, but by the end of 2014, I had totally burned out on negativity. And I had no idea. I read this note I wrote to myself from Halloween 2014 and realized it was the most depressing thing in the freaking universe. I still read that note today and use it as a motivator of what not to think. In January, I immediately romanticized my worldview and made it a goal to improve on positiveness throughout the year.
Business Law
I was taking 18 credits, and of all my classes, this class was hardest. I felt like I was the only non-business major in there. Everybody knew all these business terms and were super ambitious. I flunked my first two tests with a 55% and a 45%. We had semester-long group projects and I learned a lot more from those guys than they know. I remember after I flunked that second test, I had an F in the class. I was staring at the ground during a group meeting saying out loud: "I suck at this. I don't know what to do." This combines with my next story.
Rabbit Hole Risk
I was about assistant stage manage my 3rd show in a row. I was on fire! I was hot! I was failing 2 of my classes. I realized I had to either quit the show or quit my job. I didn't have to do the show since I already did my required 2 shows that year. But I was gaining a lot of status among the theatre department. Well, after only 3 rehearsals, I quit the show. I was scared that the directors wouldn't like me anymore or that I'd look like a flake. But by the end of the semester, I raised my 2 F's to a B and a C. I passed my dreaded Business Law class!
My 4:00 AM Job
I started working an on-campus janitorial job where I had to be at work at 4am, 5 days-a-week. I remember falling asleep everywhere I went, some weeks. But I also remember making money and being financially stable. And I got to listen to my music at work, which is always good. I kept this job for fall semester as well and I've learned to enjoy those ungodly hours of the day.

The Sawtooth Summer

Anti-Nostalgia
I've now worked 3 summers at Redfish Lake Lodge in Stanley, ID: 2009, 2012, 2015. This last summer, I really felt like I should get a job related to my stage management major. But I felt I needed 1 more summer at Redfish before I joined adulthood. I was worried that I came back because I was trying to re-live some past emotion. But no-- I learned new things.
The Bike Shop
For the most part, running the bike shop at Redfish Lake was the easiest job I ever had. I had minimal customers and had time to do whatever wanted. I learned from this experience... that I did NOT spend my time wisely. Because when I was working, it was super hard. I didn't know anything about bikes! How on earth did I score this job? I should have spent time studying bike parts and how to properly fix them. But for the record, yes, I did learn some important stuff about bikes. And those results were rewarding. But yeah, I was often lazy at work. I just needed confidence in my abilities, as well as my ability to learn.
The Church Song
I sang a song ("Let Him Heal Your Heart") at church on a Sunday in July. It went great! As the performer, I still remember the mistakes I made, but I also remember all the people crying in the congregation. Not like crying always means I invited the Spirit, but the compliments that accompanied them were sincere enough to prove I did something good. The compliment I'll never forget was from this 17-year-old girl. "You looked nervous up there before you sang. I don't think you have to be nervous. You're really good."
Trail Running
There's a trail-head next-door to our Redfish employee housing. I ran the 4.4 mile Fishhook Trail almost daily. For my previous 2 Redfish summers, I had been too scared to run the off-shoot trails from there that immediately went uphill. This year, I actually ran the Bench Lake and Marshall Ridge trails! I particularly liked the Bench Lakes trail to the National Forest border line and back. I was accomplishing great things and my life outlook had become super positive! On my last day at Redfish, I ran an entire hike-- all the way to the Bench Lakes!

The Return to the Island

The Man Behind The Mustache
I grew a mustache this semester. A real one. Started it over the summer. I've met lots of people this semester and most of them only recognize me based off my mustache. This is new. But I like. I might keep it going into 2016. And oh yeah, I moved back to the island in Logan! I LOVE THIS PLACE!
Paresthesia
I felt this a few times throughout the semester. At first, on a Sunday afternoon for a couple hours. Then I had it constantly for 3 days straight! I was tripping out and wondered if I was going crazy! I felt this abnormal tingling sensation along my scalp and my limbs would go numb. Even when my doctor diagnosed it, there was never a clear reason as to why it happened. I'm not sure how I got out of it, but I was just grateful to feel things again, even pain. I would wake up with paresthesia on some Saturday mornings, but that was all. I still don't know how it happened, but it drove me nuts and I should appreciate the benefits of physical and  feeling.
Cat Props
I was Props Master for USU's Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. I had no idea what I was doing. I blocked out my lack of knowledge by acting like this was some easy task. This only made it harder in the end. I spent the week of tech rehearsals awake for over 20 hours-a-day. This could have easily been avoided if I just asked people for help from the very beginning. When I had questions, I wouldn't ask. Everything turned out okay, but my procrastinating and fake self-confidence sucked in the end. 
Practicum Stress
I always felt stressed out during my practicum hours; reasonably less confident than outside of it. I almost never talked to anyone and did a minimal amount work. I didn't feel all the way there. I haven't figured out why. But dreading it never helped. 

The Stuff I Learned

How To Learn
I've struggled to actually learn things in the last few years. I would struggled focusing when I read, I would repeat mistakes, I would reflect on my past instead of thinking of ways I could change. This year, I learned how to learn. I learned that in order to achieve things you've never achieved before, you have to do things you've never done before. I am encouraging myself to make mistakes; actually DO things! I've been to afraid of the outcomes of my actions. Really, at the end of the day, what's the worse that can happen?
Believe In Yourself
In the last half of September and first half of September, I had nearly 10 people-- none of whom know each other-- go up to me and say: "Scott, you're too hard on yourself." What does that even mean? Is it possible that my whole life, I've been thinking more self-derogatory thoughts than everybody else? I found out the answer to this was "Yes." I always knew I've been too negative and too self-conscious, but now my actions have caught up to the surface of the truth. Not only can I be less negative, I can join the self-positive population. My mom always reminds me, "Everybody likes you and you have no idea." Whether or not everybody likes me, I figure the least I can do is love myself. I can do what I want, or to put it better, I can let myself be happy. I realized how often I prevent myself from having fun. I can be happy at any time. It's all up to me. I don't have to reserve my deepest, happiest thoughts for certain times. I can live them.
Love's In Need of Love Today
This is a quote from a Stevie Wonder song. An interesting principle: "Love" itself is spread throughout the world, and it's up to us individually to show our love to help it grow. How do we "show our love" for others? Be grateful for what we have, Also, don't separate time of the day (or week) just for you; don't feel like you deserve some kind of time for yourself. These moments will come on their own if you previously devote your time to others. This could mean anything: A play you're working on, your 4am job, your family, someone sitting by themselves at the cafe. Chances are people out there truly need you.
Your Life Is Real
When I've made mistakes before, I'd like to think "life is just a dream." But then something good happens, and I can't soak it in. People! I learned this! Live in the moment! These days, I'll find myself on facebook for a million years then realize, "Scott! You're only going to be 25 for one year. Don't waste it on the internet!"  Have you noticed that the happiest ghost in A Christmas Carol is The Ghost of Christmas Present? There's a character who pays attention to what's in front of him. The future and past are taken into account, but where you are now is most important!
Everywhere I go, my head is often in the clouds, if not in the ground. I'm always thinking of things outside of the room, outside of the moment. Sometimes they're important, sometimes I'm really just overthinking. You don't have to worry. I mean, worrying about things means you care about it, but you can solve overthinking that by actually talking about it and acting upon it! You have desires and they matter. How do you express them? You work hard and you play hard. Floating around life is very "chill," yet it wasn't until this year when I learned that outwardly expressing yourself is important to your health. Even if it's something you don't care about, you have to accomplish the matter at hand. And you will never internally succeed at that work unless you put your highest effort into it. Also, this makes your time off from work more enjoyable! True sadness is constant indecisiveness. True joy is having a duty to work on!
So this principle kinda covers all the previous ones-- serve other people, be yourself, act upon your impressions, get out there and embrace the reality of life. Next year, I expect I'll be doing plenty of things I don't necessarily want to do, but unlike years past, I will definitely do them the best I can. The more I do, the more I realize I still have LOTS to learn. And this time, I'm excited for it. Bring it on, 2016! I'm gonna learn to have FUN this year.

Scott Discovers the True Meaning of Xmas

Scott was 25 and attending college at Utah State University in Logan, UT. Logan is a beautiful place, and would be all the more beautiful if it wasn't one of the 10 most air-polluted cities in the U.S... Anyways, when Christmas time comes, the whole valley get totally doused is snow. It sucks to drive in, but it looks beautiful! For every person who gets their car stuck on the side of the road, 100 people are filled with the magical joy of the season!

Scott had celebrated Christmas all his life and was always been a "Grinch" about it (traveling makes him cranky). But this time, he had been waiting for the holiday all year with a heart full of Christmas cheer! He was more engulfed in the true meaning of Christmas than ever before. But one day, as he passed a local department store, he saw a word that definitely wasn't in the English dictionary: "Xmas."

Scott had certainly seen this word before and always understood it to mean an abbreviation for "Christmas." Scott used to be disgusted by it, since the word replaces the title of "Christ" with an "X," although he's come to reason that "Xmas" is a lot easier to write down in short-hand. Not only that, but most of the time people write "Xmas," they're not writing anything about Christ at all. Perhaps using this word is justifiable in that they don't want their message to be too connected with Christian terms. But this year, Scott had a thought: When people do use the word "Xmas"... What are they actually talking about?

Like any other December night, Scott walked Logan's downtown streets alone, listening to The Carpenters' "Merry Christmas Darling" on his mp3 player and pretending he wasn't single. But even his imagination couldn't cheer his spirits tonight. He was bogged down by the true meaning of Xmas. To himself, eyes toward the stars, he said aloud, "I wish Xmas was never a thing to begin with."

'Twas then a giant snowball swiped the side of his face! He hit the ground like a frickin brick. He closed his eyes for what seemed like a brief second, but when they opened, Logan's Main St looked totally different. The cars were gone. Some of the stores had simply vanished. There were only a few Christmas lights left. He looked around, searching for somebody to talk to; bonus if he found the turd-burglar who threw the snowball at his face. After multiple spins, a silhouetted embodiment magically appeared before him. Stepping into the light, Scott saw the figure's face. This being must have been a ghost, because Scott recognized the face... and it was Ronald Reagan.

"Ronald Reagan?" Scott shouted, "You threw a snowball at me?"
"Had to, Scott," Reagan replied. "I felt like there was no other way I could get your attention."
"But you cannot throw a snowball at me, because you are dead."
"I've come back, Scott... I've come to show you the true meaning of Xmas."

Scott stood puzzled. "So, this... this whole empty Logan thing right here. Do you have to do with that?" "Yes," said Reagan. "What you see here is a world without Xmas."

Scott looked around. Nodded; rolled up his eyeballs in deep thought and protruding his lips and vocalized a high-pitched "hm." "It's quiet," he said. "I kinda like it," "No, Scott, you mustn't like it!" said a worried Reagan. "See, look over there. You can still see the LDS Logan temple and the tabernacle building. And if you look a little to you're left, the Old Main building is still up. Tell me, of all the important institutions in Logan, what's missing?"

Of course Scott noticed that a lot of buildings were gone, but he suddenly realized that he never knew what those buildings were for anyway. Looking across the street, he saw the Bluebird Restaurant was still there. So was the Lyric Theatre. "Honestly Ronald, everything I see here is all I need."

"Nonsense!" Reagan remarked. "They say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone. Just as well, you don't know what you need 'til the media tells you that you need it!"
Scott thought about it. "I don't follow." Reagan responded quickly with a sudden burst of concern, "Scott, your boots are terrible! You need to get some Sorel Tofino Flames!"
(naively, excited) "Wow, really?"
"Yes, a pair of Sorel Tofino Flames will keep you warm and dry while looking like a true gentleman!"
"I want some!"
"Let's go to Wal-Mart!"

With a snap of a finger, Scott and Ronald Reagan's ghost were inside the Wal-Mart in North Logan. "Whoa, this place looks different from the last time I was here," said Scott. "There's no ornaments or Christmas stuff or anything." "Notice any other differences?" asked Reagan. Scott looked down every aisle. "Wait-- there's barely any people here. This place is usually jam packed! Especially this time of year." Reagan stood next to a bulk package of toilet paper. "Hey kid, you need some of this?" "No way, how did you know? Gimme that," said Scott as he grabbed the toilet paper from Reagan. "Now let me see how much this costs..." Scott had to give the price tag a double-take.

$14.99.

"Wait, what? This can't be right. I thought we were in Wal-Mart!"
"We are in Wal-Mart, Scott. This is Wal-Mart without Xmas."

Scott was devastated. "You mean, nothing's nothing's on sale?" "I guess some things could be on sale," said Reagan. "Barbecue sauce, purple t-shirts, there will always be the $5 CD bin! ...But nothing's on sale for the holidays."

(cut to Scott and Reagan walking out into the parking lot, Scott's holding a grocery bag with a purple shirt and KISS album within) "So let me get this straight: With no Xmas, there are no holiday sales events?"
"Nope ."
"Not even Black Friday?"
"Nope."
"And that lingerie store on Main Street went out of business?"
"You noticed?"
"Yeah, well, there was this one time... never mind! I'm just confused as to what Xmas has to do with all these things."

Reagan smiled, and with the wink of his eye, he and Scott were teleported to the Macy's in Providence, levitating in front of its giant American flag. "Do you know what country you live in, son?" Reagan asked Scott. Scott rolled his eyes. "Does this happen every time you have a conversation with someone? I mean-" "This is America!" Reagan interrupted. "And just as much as we thrive on our tax-paying citizens, we thrive on Xmas. Xmas is possibly the most purely American holiday there is; kinda like Independence Day, but with more homegrown Christian magic."

Scott was going to make commentary about how America is a supposed all-religions cultural melting pot, but then he remembered who he was talking to.

"Xmas is the reason for the season, son," Reagan continued. "Without excessive market competition, the American economy goes bland, big businesses don't progress and nobody gets any ultra-cool Christmas presents."

"Now if you don't mind me saying sir, I thought you said there was something 'Christian' about Xmas," Scott brought up. "Considering the fact that Christmas is a Christian holiday anyway, doesn't what you're saying draw away from the Christian themes of Christmas?"
"Not really. When we have holiday sales, all the stores get decorated with Christmas lights, fake snow and pine needles! Looks like a traditionally Christian Christmas to me!" Reagan then put his arm around Scott's shoulder. "Don't let the political correctness of noting every holiday bring you down. You can keep the spirit of Xmas in you, all year long!"

Scott deflated. "Please, take me somewhere else. I do not wish to see this place." The two then hovered in the sky, looking over Logan. Scott realized he hated Xmas, yet there was no way things could ever be the same without it.

See, Scott grew up on the outskirts of Stockton, California. Stockton is the 63rd largest city in the U.S. and the 2nd largest U.S. city to ever file for bankruptcy protection. Xmas was an important holiday for Stockton, but far different from his high school experience in Jerome, Idaho. He remembers seeing Santa sweating up a storm at the Stockton mall, and Christmas lights being hung up on city streets that would otherwise look totally ghetto and shady as all get-out. As for Jerome, Christmas was a stroll through the country neighborhood filled with smiling neighbors and traditional snowmen. Xmas tries to represent the holiday spirit of Jerome; tries to bring that feeling into Stockton. But at what cost?

Lost in deep thought, Scott suddenly realized that Reagan had been talking non-stop for the last 15 minutes. Scott started paying attention mid-storytelling.
"...And that's how Walter Mondale lost his jelly beans!"
"Listen, Ronald, can you just drop me off at the Lyric Theatre? I really want this dream to be over. And I left my roll of gaff tape backstage again."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to tape my mouth shut? HAHA!"
"It's like you're joking, only not."

Scott and Reagan entered the empty Lyric Theatre. For a moment, Scott found himself alone onstage. "Hey Ronald, have you ever seen the Charlie Brown Christmas special?" Scott continued, "There's a scene like this, where Charlie Brown fears that Christmas has gone too commercial, then Linus goes onstage and tells the story of the birth of Christ." "Yes, I have seen that," said Reagan. "You know-- I always thought Charlie Brown had some mental health issues..." "Okay, for the record, you're not wrong. But I don't think I'm over-worrying here," said Scott. He suddenly found himself lit under a spotlight. What a conveniently perfect setting for a speech!

"I think that you can still be a spirited, colorful, decked-out fan of Christmas without believing in Xmas. It took me 25 years to realize that, but it's true. I've always been conscious of the commercialism of Christmas, but I want to be festive about it myself this year, and I don't need Xmas bringing me down. Perhaps even businesses can celebrate holidays without there being some kind of catch behind it. Maybe they're not showing symbolic stuff, like a Christmas tree or a giant window sticker of a menorah, just to grab people--consumer's attention. My guess is they are. But whether you're truly celebrating 'Christmas' or 'Xmas' can only be determined in your own heart."

Reagan was silent for a few seconds. which is a rare thing for him. After thinking a while, waiting for a Great Communicator's inspirational response:
"WELL. WE'RE STILL GONNA DO IT ANYWAY."

He then flew to through the ceiling, dropping something on the way up. Scott ran into the house seats to fetch it as the ghost of Reagan slowly disappeared. It was a small Christmas present. Scott made sure he was alone before he unwrapped it, because he's self-conscious like that. What was inside? A John Cena action figure!

"John Cena?" Scott questioned. "Why did he get me this?" He found a note attached to the packaging. As he opened the letter, gold dust sprung from inside. "Whoa. Reagan Dust." Scott made sure he was alone before he read it aloud, because he's self-conscious like that.

"Dear Scott,
This collector's edition John Cena action figure is a friendly reminder of what Xmas is all about. I hope you keep it and remember me every time it catches your eye. I also hope you remember that America is the spirit of freedom in God's beloved nation of magic and brave family of soldiers of the heart that's hand-in-hand with eagles flying to heaven in the golden sunset of faith and love.
-Ghost of Ronald Reagan"

Scott had to collect his immediate thoughts, thinking his mind was lost in a maze of Bruce Springsteen lyrics. He looked at the action figure for a moment before stepping outside onto Center St. All the cars were back on the roads, all the stores were back up in business and all their Xmas lights were up. As snow began to fall, Scott looked into the night sky and laughed. "I promise to keep Christmas in my heart all through the year! And to avoid the spirit of Xmas like the plague!" He then passionately spiked the John Cena action figure into a trash can.

Scott didn't put his headphones back on to listen to The Carpenters, but instead remained aware of the people around him and waved at them all. He learned that the best way to escape the pressures of Xmas was not to make political rants on the internet, but to not even think about it at all! The less he focused on the material, the better his Christmas would become.

Xmas may fit better on a billboard, but true Christianity cannot be bought or sold.

The Best Albums of 2015

Of all my post-mission years of making end-of-year albums lists, I think I've cared about this year the least. I followed the music scene intently. Heard some great stuff. Even bought a couple new albums. But I realize my opinion is susceptible to change in the future. It always does.
Compared to 2015, I think there have been more memorable releases when it come to a year as a whole, in the last few years. I feel like everything I heard throughout the year was overshadowed by the year's obvious #1 album. This is unfair, but it's also true. I read lots of different publications, but the only reviews I follow religiously are usually The Needle Drop, maybe Pitchfork and sometimes Tiny Mix Tapes. If there's some great music out there that none of these 3 publications approved, I probably never listened to it. Sorry :( Fill me in!!!

The Most Honorable of Honorable Mentions
These are pretty great albums. I mean, when I admit I'm just too picky. I listen to these and hear some great tracks placed right next to total duds, and as good as some of the stuff here is, I'm often frustrated thinking about it. "WHY??? WHY DID THEY DO THAT???" Anyways, I generally recommend this stuff, although I may not be listening to much of it in my future.

+ Vince Staples Summertime '06
I love this guy's straightforward rap approach. This album just isn't a consistently enjoyable hour.
+ Courtney Barnett Sometimes I Sit and Think and Sometimes I Just Sit
I love this girl's lyrical personality so much! But her garage rock often comes off lax and dry.
+ Protomartyr The Agent Intellect
I like the purist post-punk sound enough, but the singer often underwhelms.
+ Drake If You're Reading This It's Too Late
DRAKE! I BELIEVE IN YOU! The first part of this album is GREAT! Interesting, powerful, dark, basic. Why do you keep returning to your "trademark" style of lazy, drunken, false alt-R&B? It still sucks! You have so much potential! This is your best album! BUT WHY???

The 25 Best Albums of 2015

25 Alabama Shakes Sound & Color

This isn't nearly as corny as their last album. It keeps the same garage sound, only darker. Reminds me 2000's Jack White alt-rock, but with an amazing lead singer.










24 Travi$ Scott Rodeo

I actually like how these songs are divided into super different sections; very interesting and dark. But no, you probably won't like this album.










23 Viet Cong Viet Cong

Almost as good Women!
(you either understood that or you didn't)











22 Neon Indian Vega Int'l Night School

Neon Indian surprised me! It's super fun and sounds great at 1am!











21 Algiers Algiers

These guys fuse post-punk with gospel music. It sounds spooky, and it's the soul music within that does the trick. I'd love to hear them do Abattoir Blues covers. 










20 Joey Bada$$ B4.DA.$$

Do you like 90s New York rap? I do.












19 Matana Roberts Coin Coin Chapter Three: River Run Thee

Avant-garde jazz... like... "Matana plays saxophone and says (chants?) some random spoken-word stuff behind some brash noise, non-stop for one hour" avant-garde.










18 Zs Xe

I discovered these guys via Tiny Mix Tapes. I highly recommend their 2010 album New Slaves. This album reminds me of early stuff from Battles. Weird, artful, kinda fun.










17 Ought Sun Coming Down

Ought can never escape the fact that they'll always sound like a distinct mix of 80s post-punk bands. But they really take the cake here; more Mission of Burma and Sonic Youth influence.










16 Open Mike Eagle A Special Episode (EP)

I think this might be ranked too high, but if you haven't tried it yet, try it out! It's sick!











15 Dr. Dre Compton

I knew I'd like it, whether I liked it or not.
Over-produced? Come on, people. He's still Dre.











14 Chelsea Wolfe Abyss

It's like a Physical Graffiti for goth rock. Which sounds better than you'd think.











13 Prurient Frozen Niagara Falls

I really don't know much about industrial music. In fact, is that even what this classifies as? I think it's "ambient/electronica" covered in silky black blood and buzzing drills.










12 Death Grips The Powers That B

Disc 1 gives me a headache. Disc 2 deserves a spot in the top 10! You can tell why they used to open for Nine Inch Nails. And if you know Trent Reznor, you'd know why Death Grips pretended to break up for the sole reason of ditching their tour with Nine Inch Nails. Anyways-- they've ditched "rap" but kept their experimentation alive. Has music in common with Ex-Military.






11 Joanna Newsom Divers

I like the direction Joanna Newsom took on this album. She needed a more direct, accessible set of songs in her catalog. And this isn't "selling out," it's just more easy to enjoy.









10 Jamie xx In Colour

I've never liked The xx! So overrated! I wanted to hate this album. But it's consistently enjoyable. When it comes to matching a year to a "sound," I've wondered if this album will go down as the exampling sound of 2015. It has this very crisp, modern production to it. And the songs are as colorful as the album cover.








9 FKA Twigs M3LL155X (EP)

These 5 songs are as great as any song from her LP2 debut. The rhythms are weird, the instrumentation is... questionable made up from actual instruments. Her voice is on point-- it's hard to find this much vocal emotion in an EP. It's dark, it's sexy, I can rock this shizz all day.








8 Destroyer Poison Season

My most biased placing on this list. I love Destroyer. And this album was a surprise to me. Most of the music/instrumentals here strikes me as a soundtrack to 60s metropolitan England, but he peppers some Bruce Springsteen and some funk here and there. Lyrically, you can tell Dan's getting old. He's full of exquisite, aging memories. He's still got it!






7 Sufjan Stevens Carrie & Lowell

I have a love-hate relationship with this album. The fact that I ever actually love it sometimes must mean something though, cuz I'm pretty picky. He sings about birds too much. Nobody cares about birds. And the last song is pretty boring.
Anyways, this album is the ghost of Sufjan's youth speaking his mind through an Elliott Smith overdub machine. And "No Shade in the Shadow of the Cross" is a great track.





6 Bjork Vulnicura

It's hard to rank Bjork in any given list. She's done better than this. Critics often use this as a way to overlook the fact that she's still better than everybody else out there.
This is arguably her biggest production; her most "baroque" album. It's also her "breakup" album, making for some discomforting and heartbreaking moments here. Her voice is still gold. And you can tell she worked darn hard composing these tracks.





5 Kamasi Washington The Epic

The hardest album to rank.
Jazz music is hard to make. But I have to think: among jazz musicians, is this anything big? I feel like I don't know enough about modern jazz to critique this album fairly.
But listen: It's 3 albums (3 hours!) of pure jazz-fusion. Most of these songs are super complex, heavily produced and include countless instruments. There's a cosmic feel to it all around. Can I judge how "talented" it is? Not fairly. But it sounds friggin great, which is why all these other albums are on here,
Kamasi wins.


4 Julia Holter Have You in My Wilderness

Julia Holter always gets some critical acclaim, but it's been hard to tell how her work sounds amidst other artists in the scene; she rarely stands out in a playlist. This new album, however, comes with a very distinctive baroque sound. The lyrical imagery takes me to some mysterious place; a mystified, 1910's gray-sky ocean-side town created by Julia herself. The string arrangements are gorgeous, and any accompaniment is delicate and airy. This music is "light," but far from "lightweight."




3 Oneohtrix Point Never Garden of Delete

In my Team Management class this week, we were talking how modern technology and teamwork approaches has made things easier for us to accomplish harder business projects more efficiently. We have enough resources to produce business miracles.
It's 2015 and there's no reason why we can't make albums like Garden of Delete. Just like the old days of music, all you have to do is actually work hard. The songs here twist every minute like a symphony, and these turns are always unpredictable. The synth sounds are as modern as any high-budget EDM artist, only 0pn actually works on crazy production dynamics and unrepeatable arrangements. It's 2015 most enigmous album.


2 Father John Misty I Love You, Honeybear

Falling in love is the greatest thing that can ever happen.
I wasn't really a fan of the first Father John Misty album and came to this album 100% doubtful. From the very beginning, I was blown away. Josh Tillman is a tortured artist; a skeptic, depressed 34 year-old man. He shakes off his title as "former Fleet Foxes drummer" and replaces it with "your favorite singer-songwriter." His lyrical personality is lovable, his voice is totally identifiable, his songs are catchy, his arrangements are thick... this album was love at first listen. This will go down as one of the great Sub Pop releases.
Singing mostly about his wife (or having sex with his wife), he goes over every topic imaginable without straying from the central point. Some of my new all-time favorite love songs: "I Love You, Honeybear," "Chateau Lobby #4," "Holy Shit," "I Went to the Store One Day." And oh yeah, outside of love, "Bored in the USA" is classic.

1 Kendrick Lamar To Pimp a Butterfly

...I've written an entire separate blog post dedicated to this album. So instead, I'll water it down:
-Kendrick Lamar grew up in the hood of Compton, CA
-Kendrick Lamar became reasonably famous
-Kendrick Lamar suffers from depression under the thumb of the jaded, racist, American commercial industry
-Kendrick Lamar is humbled
-Kendrick Lamar bands his people together to defeat the external and internal evils against them
-Kendrick Lamar says all this solely metaphorically
-Kendrick Lamar is a genius, but more so proud of his heritage

My Extremely Long "To Pimp a Butterfly" Blog Post

Meet Kendrick Lamar.

I was introduced to Kendrick in 2012, reading the hailed reviews for his good kid, m.A.A.d city album. A listened to it all the way through the following year and fell in love. I then tried his 2011 album Section 8.0 and was fairly impressed. But To Pimp a Butterfly was a surprise to me. Because I loved good kid so much, Kendrick returned with the most unexpected turn of all: A better album.

At first, I liked Butterfly enough. I expected a funk rap album and that's what I was getting. On first listen, I wasn't paying attention to the storyline, which made it difficult for me to enjoy every song. But I'll never forget hearing those last 4 songs for the first time. It was all coming together. I had previously heard the promo single "The Blacker the Berry," so I was literally yelling in my chair like I was at a football game ("OOOOHHH!") when I heard the surprise, intercom spoken-word intro:
"I don’t see Compton, I see something much worse. The land of the landmines, the hell that’s on earth."

"The Blacker the Berry" is an angsty powerhouse of a track with a smooth, soulful outro. This leads us to "You Ain't Gotta Lie," a friendly, familiar song, but ends with the sound of a crowd. The crowd spills onto track 15, "i." "i" was the first single; catchy and funky, a Grammy-winner and top 40 hit. So what I was hearing on the album just made 0 sense. It was a live version! There's a minute of crowd noise and some guy introducing Kendirck to the stage. He plays the song for about 2 minutes then he stops the show as a sudden volume burst from the crowd takes over. "Not on my time! Kill the music! We could save that sh** for the streets!"
What happened? Did a fight breakout? Anyways, the crowd continues buzzing while Kendrick is onstage trying to get everyone to listen stressing the importance of black unity; microphone in hand, amid a crowd of voices.. it sounded apocalyptic.

He catches their attention with an a capella rap, discussing the word "N-E-G-U-S." This is where the racist slang "nigger" came from, but is actually the Ethiopian word for "king royalty."
The next song, "Mortal Man," is this musically beautiful, minor key song. In the closing verse, he raps: "Let my word be your earth and moon. You consume every message, as I lead this army." Through the whole song, covered in goosebumps, I think to myself: Oh my gosh. This is the end,

But something was missing... The poem! THE POEM! OOOOHHH! HE HAS TO FINISH THE POEM! 
Throughout the album, there's a poem he reads between songs. With each citation, he reveals more lines to it. And sure enough, he reads the whole thing as the music fades out on modern man. The full poem is linked here, and it my first listen to it was the most bone-chilling thing I've ever heard.

The story of Butterfly goes over Kendrick's life since becoming rich and famous. Having grown up on the streets of Compton, he thought stardom would help him donate money to his hometown friends and family. But he gets sucked in by the album's antagonist, "Lucy." It's hard to 100% pinpoint who Lucy is, but I have various answers: Music Industry, America, Fame, Pride, Greed. He describes his relationship with Lucy as something both unhealthy and sexual (try the discomforting, hard-to-read, "Wesley's Theory"). He raps in a different voice when he represents Lucy (like the Tom Waits of hip-hop). Kendrick realizes he's not the first black musician to get "pimped" by Lucy. 

He goes back home on my favorite track "Momma." His relationships with his old poverty-struck friends has been blurred by his fame. None of Lucy's promises were true ("Lucy gone move your mama out of Compton inside the gigantic mansion like I promised!") The message turns from his inward struggle with fame to the outward expression of black/African-American humanity. 

The percentage of black-on-black murders in America has been 90% or higher for the last 5 years. Kendrick witnessed gang crime throughout his childhood. His new intent is no longer to represent himself, but represent his entire demographic; almost as much in a militant manner as poetically.
It's super hard to grasp the plot just from the first listen. It seems like all the songs are individually not too related to each other. But it all makes sense. All the sexual references, the self-doubting messages, even the choice of which background singers are used-- all where they are for a reason.

After he finishes his poem on "Mortal Man." he does an interview with... Tupac Shakur. What? But he's dead! Well, Kendrick plays interviewer to some samples from some 1994 interview Tupac did with some Swedish radio show. Some club-jazz music plays behind the interview. I have no idea where the heck Kendrick got this idea, but whatever. Eventually Kendrick shares a poem with Tupac (a very much different poem than the one he drew out during the album, but same message). The album ends with the jazz music climaxing as Kendrick asks Tupac (unanswered):
"What's your perspective on that, Pac? Pac?"
(music suddenly stops)
"...Pac?" 
End album. 

I always laud pop artists for writing songs where each word used has a deeper meaning. To pull this off on an 80-minute rap album is extremely hard. This is both Kendrick's third album and third concept album. Considering they're all good, I'd say he joins the concept album ranks of Pink Floyd.
The music throughout the album is full of old black musical influences; namely funk, jazz, soul. The message of hope for the future of black America (try "Alright," Rapsody's guest verse on "Complexion") is noticeable, but at the same time covered by dark stories of their current reality (try "Hood Politics," the crowd argument of "i"). The album cover shows a crowd of shirtless black males holding cash in-hand on the White House lawn, surrounding a dead white man dressed as a court judge. Plenty of black artists have written, sang and rapped about black oppression, but I guarantee you-- musically, metaphorically-- you have never heard anything like this before.

Some people think this album to preachy, boring and stark. But he has some fun on here. Some phrases have been given popularity from this album:
BOO-BOO! He says this on "Hood Politics," after listing things people from the hood have loved their whole lives. It's like he's shooting them down, one-by-one.
THIS. D**K. AIN'T. FREEEEE! From "For Free? (Interlude)." He raps about greed and black America for 90 seconds over legitimate "free jazz" rhythm; each verse bookended by this phrase.
BUST THE YAMS! "King Kunta" is the total banger on the album, featuring the most quotable lines and the greatest bass line of the year. I imagine people cranking this in a parking lot and people all over going ape-shizz. Anyways, I found out just last month that "yams" is a slang term for "cocaine." Kendrick doesn't smoke or drink, but I'm sure people drop coke to his music all the time.
WE GONNA BE ALRIGHT! "Alright" is one of the album's most accessible songs, yet it instrumentally almost entirely consists of jazz vocals, with a bizarre chord progression to boot. This phrase has been used as a chant by Black Lives Matters protesters. We gonna be all-RIGHT!
THE BLACKER THE BERRY, THE SWEETER THE JUICE. Fact is folks, Kendrick Lamar's To Pimp A Butterfly is poetically-- if not literally or sonically-- the voice of the future. The minor key moments make it seem spooky at times, but we're just not ready for it yet. This album is as beautiful as it is dark. In Kendrick's eyes, the future is black.

Some Personal Favorite Tracks from 2015

The title speaks for itself.
I wish blogger's youtube searcher could provide more videos, but I had to hyperlink most of these.
And oh yeah, warning: There's some song title language here.

For Sale? (Interlude) Kendrick Lamar
This is possibly the most important song on To Pimp a Butterfly. The music on here is STELLAR. It sounds like a straight-up Herbie Hancock jam; add a hint of Stevie Wonder synthesizer utopia and beautiful background vocals. I have no idea what time signature this song is in, but it must hard to rap to. He raps the verses in this old man voice, accenting "s" sounds with a "sh" and rasping his vocal tone. The 3 minutes in, he helps solve the puzzle of the album: Amid the songs crazy-go-nuts second verse, he says "I am Lucy." And the awkward heavy breathing placed at the beginning of the song? It means what you probably think it means. Hear the whole album, you'll understand.

Lucette Stranded on the Island Julia Holter
This is the song that sold me on this album. Julia's vocals have always switched from "beautiful" to "lazy," but we get tastes of both here. From the first second of this song, the instrumentation is full and beautiful; orchestral strings, flutes, the harp, the tin can harbor bell. The vocal effects are hypnotic, with the thick reverb sung "The birds can sing their song" repeated between the spoken-word, vague storytelling lines.

Holy Shit Father John Misty
Tillman says he wrote this song about his wedding day: “The way that I felt on my wedding day was just so, so wild. To make a decision like that based on something you believe in — to get out of the morass of ambivalence, to live according to endless contingencies and potential mishaps, potential unhappiness — is just huge for me.” It's a beautiful song with perfect lyrics, listing every worldly thing that could possibly depress a man and wrapping it up with "What I fail to see is what that's gotta do with you and me!" I guess I could have written about any of this album's love songs, but this one needs some extra press.

WTF (Where They From) Missy Elliott (ft Pharrell Willaims)
After many, many, many listens, I've decided Pharrell's verse on this kinda sucks. Fun, but cheesy. However, he did a perfect job producing this song. And Missy Elliott is still ridiculously talented. Therefor, I've given this track many, many, many listens.

Know Yourself Drake
Probably my favorite Drake song. Not like that means much, but it's true. "Man I'm talkin' 'bout way before hashtags," great line. The inserted samples of what sounds like a foreign bazaar fit in delicately. For 5 minutes, I actually believe Drake is cool.

Why a Bitch Gotta Lie Death Grips
This song just makes so much sense!

GREAT SONGS MY DAD WOULD LIKE 

Depreston Courtney Barnett
I accuse this album of being too dry. I love this song, yet it's the driest track on there. Unlike other tracks on the album, I think Courtney meant for it to sound like this.

Half Life Crisis Jim O'Rourke
This song sounds like Harry Nilsson contributed to Steely Dan's Pretzel Logic.

Them Changes Thundercat
It's hard to critique funk, so to be brief, I like this song and it is a funky song.

Bangkok Destroyer
First time I heard this a front-to-back listen to the album. It began and I thought, "I hope this isn't a piano ballad, because this album's already become pretty boring as it is." Then there's this interesting flute part about 1 minute in. And you learn that has nothing to do with the rest of the song, as the second half turn into this long, climactic New Orleans swing destined to make you smirk. And somehow, with no percussion, it's super easy to dance to! ...sexily, of course...