As the quote above makes obvious, I've never liked the word "hope." I've never been a big fan of what it stood for and every time I heard someone say it, it's only sounded annoyingly corny. I think I liked "hope" more when I was a big U2 fan in my mid-teens. (No war, no war!) Well, I could give you a super long/entertaining list of reasons why I've hated hope. But this post is more of an official announcement that I have started to actually believe in it.
The last few weeks of my life have been amazing. But I don't think I'd think that if I didn't think that.
There's something to be said for positivism. I've never been good at it. My high school outlook on life was basically that life is rough, but I just gotta hold on and I'll make it. I always thought myself an underdog. That's a terrible mindset. Life is only rough if you think it is.
I guess I was braving through the trials of the average lower-middle class American teen: Asking for rides home, borrowing people's cell phones, listening to over-confident peers, dental braces, etc. But looking back, I'm not sure why I couldn't just be grateful.
In the last few weeks of my life, I've found myself particularly grateful for some frank friends. 5 different people-- none of whom know each other-- have told me "Scott, you're too hard on yourself." The first few times I heard this, my immediate response was "What? How could you know that?" I feel more positive/confident now than I've felt in years. Why hasn't anybody told me I'm too hard on myself before? I guess it's just a constant reminder that despite all my improvements, I can always do better. I've learned that there's no "final destination" to developing your character. And I now realize that any time I've thought I've reached that destination, I've begun a rough patch in my life.
So how am I hard on myself? I've never truly considered applying the principle of hope.
I have a history of filling my head with self-doubt. I have this talent of recognizing when people are secretly going through a hard time, yet I've always been terrible at recognizing when people love and appreciate me. I've never realized until now that-- in my efforts of trying not be self-confident/cocky-- perhaps I've taken some friends for granted. Perhaps I've taken some life opportunities for granted. Perhaps I've taken my own self for granted.
We all have the ability to do great things. I've just never hoped for great things. And now I ask: Why not? I try to make my life so that things are never "too good to be true." That's just stupid. In fact, "too good" should be my goal! Here are some definitions of "hope" from Preach My Gospel:
Technical def: Hope is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance. It is believing and expecting that something will occur.
I've struggled to see the value of "believing and expecting that something will occur." There are too many things beyond our control for us to waste time imagining a best-case scenario... right? I've always believed in having a good attitude. Perhaps practicing hope amplifies a generally good attitude; your well-being as a whole.
Spiritual def: Hope is an abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to you. The scriptures often describe hope in Jesus Christ as the assurance that you will inherit eternal life in the celestial kingdom.
If it's a gospel principle to treat others as you'd like to be treated, maybe I should stop treating myself like garbage.
Overarching Moral def: When you have hope, you work through trials and difficulties with the confidence and assurance that all things will work together for your good. Hope helps you conquer discouragement.
This is my final note. In my new view of hope, I don't see life as something initially hard and I don't see myself as the eternal underdog. I no longer place great things beyond my imagination. I've quit building disciplinary borders around my range of happiness. I want to feel gratitude not only for my present, but for my future.
Things are gonna be great! But I don't think I'd think that if I didn't think that.
