Scott Discovers the True Meaning of Xmas

Scott was 25 and attending college at Utah State University in Logan, UT. Logan is a beautiful place, and would be all the more beautiful if it wasn't one of the 10 most air-polluted cities in the U.S... Anyways, when Christmas time comes, the whole valley get totally doused is snow. It sucks to drive in, but it looks beautiful! For every person who gets their car stuck on the side of the road, 100 people are filled with the magical joy of the season!

Scott had celebrated Christmas all his life and was always been a "Grinch" about it (traveling makes him cranky). But this time, he had been waiting for the holiday all year with a heart full of Christmas cheer! He was more engulfed in the true meaning of Christmas than ever before. But one day, as he passed a local department store, he saw a word that definitely wasn't in the English dictionary: "Xmas."

Scott had certainly seen this word before and always understood it to mean an abbreviation for "Christmas." Scott used to be disgusted by it, since the word replaces the title of "Christ" with an "X," although he's come to reason that "Xmas" is a lot easier to write down in short-hand. Not only that, but most of the time people write "Xmas," they're not writing anything about Christ at all. Perhaps using this word is justifiable in that they don't want their message to be too connected with Christian terms. But this year, Scott had a thought: When people do use the word "Xmas"... What are they actually talking about?

Like any other December night, Scott walked Logan's downtown streets alone, listening to The Carpenters' "Merry Christmas Darling" on his mp3 player and pretending he wasn't single. But even his imagination couldn't cheer his spirits tonight. He was bogged down by the true meaning of Xmas. To himself, eyes toward the stars, he said aloud, "I wish Xmas was never a thing to begin with."

'Twas then a giant snowball swiped the side of his face! He hit the ground like a frickin brick. He closed his eyes for what seemed like a brief second, but when they opened, Logan's Main St looked totally different. The cars were gone. Some of the stores had simply vanished. There were only a few Christmas lights left. He looked around, searching for somebody to talk to; bonus if he found the turd-burglar who threw the snowball at his face. After multiple spins, a silhouetted embodiment magically appeared before him. Stepping into the light, Scott saw the figure's face. This being must have been a ghost, because Scott recognized the face... and it was Ronald Reagan.

"Ronald Reagan?" Scott shouted, "You threw a snowball at me?"
"Had to, Scott," Reagan replied. "I felt like there was no other way I could get your attention."
"But you cannot throw a snowball at me, because you are dead."
"I've come back, Scott... I've come to show you the true meaning of Xmas."

Scott stood puzzled. "So, this... this whole empty Logan thing right here. Do you have to do with that?" "Yes," said Reagan. "What you see here is a world without Xmas."

Scott looked around. Nodded; rolled up his eyeballs in deep thought and protruding his lips and vocalized a high-pitched "hm." "It's quiet," he said. "I kinda like it," "No, Scott, you mustn't like it!" said a worried Reagan. "See, look over there. You can still see the LDS Logan temple and the tabernacle building. And if you look a little to you're left, the Old Main building is still up. Tell me, of all the important institutions in Logan, what's missing?"

Of course Scott noticed that a lot of buildings were gone, but he suddenly realized that he never knew what those buildings were for anyway. Looking across the street, he saw the Bluebird Restaurant was still there. So was the Lyric Theatre. "Honestly Ronald, everything I see here is all I need."

"Nonsense!" Reagan remarked. "They say you don't know what you got 'til it's gone. Just as well, you don't know what you need 'til the media tells you that you need it!"
Scott thought about it. "I don't follow." Reagan responded quickly with a sudden burst of concern, "Scott, your boots are terrible! You need to get some Sorel Tofino Flames!"
(naively, excited) "Wow, really?"
"Yes, a pair of Sorel Tofino Flames will keep you warm and dry while looking like a true gentleman!"
"I want some!"
"Let's go to Wal-Mart!"

With a snap of a finger, Scott and Ronald Reagan's ghost were inside the Wal-Mart in North Logan. "Whoa, this place looks different from the last time I was here," said Scott. "There's no ornaments or Christmas stuff or anything." "Notice any other differences?" asked Reagan. Scott looked down every aisle. "Wait-- there's barely any people here. This place is usually jam packed! Especially this time of year." Reagan stood next to a bulk package of toilet paper. "Hey kid, you need some of this?" "No way, how did you know? Gimme that," said Scott as he grabbed the toilet paper from Reagan. "Now let me see how much this costs..." Scott had to give the price tag a double-take.

$14.99.

"Wait, what? This can't be right. I thought we were in Wal-Mart!"
"We are in Wal-Mart, Scott. This is Wal-Mart without Xmas."

Scott was devastated. "You mean, nothing's nothing's on sale?" "I guess some things could be on sale," said Reagan. "Barbecue sauce, purple t-shirts, there will always be the $5 CD bin! ...But nothing's on sale for the holidays."

(cut to Scott and Reagan walking out into the parking lot, Scott's holding a grocery bag with a purple shirt and KISS album within) "So let me get this straight: With no Xmas, there are no holiday sales events?"
"Nope ."
"Not even Black Friday?"
"Nope."
"And that lingerie store on Main Street went out of business?"
"You noticed?"
"Yeah, well, there was this one time... never mind! I'm just confused as to what Xmas has to do with all these things."

Reagan smiled, and with the wink of his eye, he and Scott were teleported to the Macy's in Providence, levitating in front of its giant American flag. "Do you know what country you live in, son?" Reagan asked Scott. Scott rolled his eyes. "Does this happen every time you have a conversation with someone? I mean-" "This is America!" Reagan interrupted. "And just as much as we thrive on our tax-paying citizens, we thrive on Xmas. Xmas is possibly the most purely American holiday there is; kinda like Independence Day, but with more homegrown Christian magic."

Scott was going to make commentary about how America is a supposed all-religions cultural melting pot, but then he remembered who he was talking to.

"Xmas is the reason for the season, son," Reagan continued. "Without excessive market competition, the American economy goes bland, big businesses don't progress and nobody gets any ultra-cool Christmas presents."

"Now if you don't mind me saying sir, I thought you said there was something 'Christian' about Xmas," Scott brought up. "Considering the fact that Christmas is a Christian holiday anyway, doesn't what you're saying draw away from the Christian themes of Christmas?"
"Not really. When we have holiday sales, all the stores get decorated with Christmas lights, fake snow and pine needles! Looks like a traditionally Christian Christmas to me!" Reagan then put his arm around Scott's shoulder. "Don't let the political correctness of noting every holiday bring you down. You can keep the spirit of Xmas in you, all year long!"

Scott deflated. "Please, take me somewhere else. I do not wish to see this place." The two then hovered in the sky, looking over Logan. Scott realized he hated Xmas, yet there was no way things could ever be the same without it.

See, Scott grew up on the outskirts of Stockton, California. Stockton is the 63rd largest city in the U.S. and the 2nd largest U.S. city to ever file for bankruptcy protection. Xmas was an important holiday for Stockton, but far different from his high school experience in Jerome, Idaho. He remembers seeing Santa sweating up a storm at the Stockton mall, and Christmas lights being hung up on city streets that would otherwise look totally ghetto and shady as all get-out. As for Jerome, Christmas was a stroll through the country neighborhood filled with smiling neighbors and traditional snowmen. Xmas tries to represent the holiday spirit of Jerome; tries to bring that feeling into Stockton. But at what cost?

Lost in deep thought, Scott suddenly realized that Reagan had been talking non-stop for the last 15 minutes. Scott started paying attention mid-storytelling.
"...And that's how Walter Mondale lost his jelly beans!"
"Listen, Ronald, can you just drop me off at the Lyric Theatre? I really want this dream to be over. And I left my roll of gaff tape backstage again."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want to tape my mouth shut? HAHA!"
"It's like you're joking, only not."

Scott and Reagan entered the empty Lyric Theatre. For a moment, Scott found himself alone onstage. "Hey Ronald, have you ever seen the Charlie Brown Christmas special?" Scott continued, "There's a scene like this, where Charlie Brown fears that Christmas has gone too commercial, then Linus goes onstage and tells the story of the birth of Christ." "Yes, I have seen that," said Reagan. "You know-- I always thought Charlie Brown had some mental health issues..." "Okay, for the record, you're not wrong. But I don't think I'm over-worrying here," said Scott. He suddenly found himself lit under a spotlight. What a conveniently perfect setting for a speech!

"I think that you can still be a spirited, colorful, decked-out fan of Christmas without believing in Xmas. It took me 25 years to realize that, but it's true. I've always been conscious of the commercialism of Christmas, but I want to be festive about it myself this year, and I don't need Xmas bringing me down. Perhaps even businesses can celebrate holidays without there being some kind of catch behind it. Maybe they're not showing symbolic stuff, like a Christmas tree or a giant window sticker of a menorah, just to grab people--consumer's attention. My guess is they are. But whether you're truly celebrating 'Christmas' or 'Xmas' can only be determined in your own heart."

Reagan was silent for a few seconds. which is a rare thing for him. After thinking a while, waiting for a Great Communicator's inspirational response:
"WELL. WE'RE STILL GONNA DO IT ANYWAY."

He then flew to through the ceiling, dropping something on the way up. Scott ran into the house seats to fetch it as the ghost of Reagan slowly disappeared. It was a small Christmas present. Scott made sure he was alone before he unwrapped it, because he's self-conscious like that. What was inside? A John Cena action figure!

"John Cena?" Scott questioned. "Why did he get me this?" He found a note attached to the packaging. As he opened the letter, gold dust sprung from inside. "Whoa. Reagan Dust." Scott made sure he was alone before he read it aloud, because he's self-conscious like that.

"Dear Scott,
This collector's edition John Cena action figure is a friendly reminder of what Xmas is all about. I hope you keep it and remember me every time it catches your eye. I also hope you remember that America is the spirit of freedom in God's beloved nation of magic and brave family of soldiers of the heart that's hand-in-hand with eagles flying to heaven in the golden sunset of faith and love.
-Ghost of Ronald Reagan"

Scott had to collect his immediate thoughts, thinking his mind was lost in a maze of Bruce Springsteen lyrics. He looked at the action figure for a moment before stepping outside onto Center St. All the cars were back on the roads, all the stores were back up in business and all their Xmas lights were up. As snow began to fall, Scott looked into the night sky and laughed. "I promise to keep Christmas in my heart all through the year! And to avoid the spirit of Xmas like the plague!" He then passionately spiked the John Cena action figure into a trash can.

Scott didn't put his headphones back on to listen to The Carpenters, but instead remained aware of the people around him and waved at them all. He learned that the best way to escape the pressures of Xmas was not to make political rants on the internet, but to not even think about it at all! The less he focused on the material, the better his Christmas would become.

Xmas may fit better on a billboard, but true Christianity cannot be bought or sold.