My Own Suburb

One day...I won't run
I'll be glued to the ground
They say...Good things come
But they don't stick around
Stuck in a space (stuck in a space)
Wishing I had my own suburb
Wouldn't you know? (wouldn't you know)
This is kinda what I've always wanted

And God pours down all the rain
From His giant aeroplane
And the whole world just complains
Like we've earned some fat parade
We're all waiting for a show
Doesn't mean we have to go

One day...I won't speak
I'll run out of words
Maybe...I could speak
But nothing you aint heard (before)
Stuck in a space (stuck in a space)
I can't see, I'm grounded here
Wouldn't you know? (wouldn't you know)
I can't even act, cuz I can't react

And God pours down all the rain
From His giant aeroplane
On the people that He made
Just to watch 'em make the grade
We're all waiting for a show
Doesn't mean we have to go

Now we stare out at the rain
We can see our future wane
I don't know what was happening
But it was happening to me

There's a place I know I've been
Where I end and I begin
In my own suburb, I'll be free
Free to be who I could be

Shoulda Tried To Hold Your Hand

I been bored dreamin' bout my life
Spend way too long trynna react right
When I should just be reactin'
I know what to say, but I don't know when
Sometimes I believe/Sometimes I believe
There is nothing here to see...

Aw! I shoulda tried to hold your hand! Aw! I shoulda tried to hold your hand!

At the party where you turned 18
I was just a dreamer and you were my dream
Movies playin' in your eyes that night
I was out for blood, but it felt alright
Sometimes I believe/Sometimes I believe
I'm always just reaching...

Aw! You gotta keep the summer alive! Aw! I shoulda tried to hold your hand!
Aw! You gotta keep the summer alive! Aw! I shoulda tried to hold your hand!

On the beach in 2000-10
Lost my humor and I lost some friends
Of all the recordings I play again
I'm always playing "it might have been."

Aw! I shoulda tried to hold your hand! Aw! I shoulda tried to hold your hand!
Aw! I shoulda tried to hold your hand! Aw! I should tried to hold your hand!

(features direct quotes from John Greenleaf Whittier and Ian Cohen)

Conveyor Belt Satan

People live and people die
But they still don't know how to do both at the same time

People live until they die
Then they die until they live again
Then they live forever and always feel the same
Kinda like your life now, but with a different name.
You'll still feel crappy every time it rains
And think about sex and work for pain.

People live and people die
But they still don't know how to do both at the same time
They think they're so smart with their bodies and souls
But there are so many things they've never felt and don't know
I know what these things are, but I won't tell you what they are
I've already gone too far
How much emotion and information can you cram into that tiny body of yours?

People live until they die
But that don't mean that they don't try
To act like they're made of immortal stuff!
And resurrect the ideas that have only brought them down!
And grieve over shit that doesn't even really matter!
And be codependent on attractive people!
And fight what's real with their self-centered dreams!
We will all live forever and always feel the same!
The glowing robots of eternity

I don't wanna be a robot forever!
I don't wanna be a robot forever!
I don't wanna be a robot forever!
I don't wanna be robot forever!

a post on Broken Social Scene's 'You Forgot It In People'

Confession time: I never heard Broken Social Scene's You Forgot It In People until last month.
For a long time, Broken Social Scene was just a band name I heard tossed around. I figured they were some average punk band I didn't have to hear. Even with their spot within Pitchfork's 25 best albums of the 2000s, I set it aside since it was right next to The Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I listened to "Cause = Time" once and didn't even get it. I eventually studied up and learned that artists like Feist and Stars were BSS side-projects. So I immediately assumed they were a band making corny relationship music with folk and brass instrumentation. Considering what music I've been into for the last 4 years, this gave me even less reason to listen.
These days, I love a good mature artist. It's pretty rare when I listen to music that sounds young and immature (Destroyer > M83). But I remember being 17 and listening to 103.1 KSKI, where I was introduced to Stars' "Your Ex-Lover Is Dead" as well as some older Feist and Death Cab tracks. I loved that stuff my junior year of high school. This died off in about a year. I figured BSS was simply more of the same stuff I enjoyed from my hormonal 17-year-old days. And, well, I was right.
Fact is, this album could have been made any time in the last 12 years, only this was the one that was made 12 years ago.
Yes, this album is corny at times. Sometimes the production is kinda syrupy. Sometimes I listen to this album and I depict images from Rent or some kinda super cheesy "runaway-to-New-York-and-live-off-alcohol-and-sex-while-you're-still-young" film. I hate films like that (ex: when people think they're artistic but they're not). Then you take a step back from what stupid messages that have accompanied this album's music in the last 10 years. You start thinking about what it meant then. You Forgot It In People was sonic, epic and innovative. It's messages are actually quite vague. ("Looks Just Like The Sun"- What the heck does that mean?) Even though these are mostly love songs, there is a strong lyrical personality on this album (let's just say "it looks just like the sun" 10 times and call it good). The music on here covers a surprisingly broad range of genres. The production on the acoustic guitars are particularly enjoyable.
It's most popular tracks are "Lover's Spit" and "Anthems for a 17 Year Old Girl," which are definitely some emo-indie song titles, but their attitude was something new for 2002. My favorite track (like all albums) is the one that sounds like Dinosaur Jr. ("Cause = Time"). This album has some epic, theatrical moments as well as some temporary smooth jazz moments and cutesy-pie tracks. It reminds me what it's like to be young and emotionally unstable. Unlike anything else, it takes me back to being 17 and doodling in my basement bedroom. Which is weird, because I never knew any of these songs when I was actually 17.
So this album explains Candian indie for the last 12 years, as well as the new culture of toque-wearing, alcohol-doused, depressingly-freewheelin', annoyingly-hipster young adults. Much like Nirvana's Nevermind, you gotta love the original and scorn at the after-products. As a music critic myself, I'm not sure where You Forgot ranks among the Truly Great albums of the 2000s, but quickly learning to love this album just this past month taught me that it doesn't freaking matter.

My Personal Guitar Influences

Some of my favorite guitarists, namely when it comes to my style of playing.

NEIL YOUNG. I love everything about Neil's guitar playing. I love his approaches to country, folk, jam and even grunge. I play "Tell Me Why" more than any other song.

GEORGE HARRISON. This may be because I'm a guitarist, but George is my hands-down my favorite Beatle. His riffs were sometimes choppy, sometimes heavy, sometimes hazy, always memorable.

PETER BUCK. I feel like Buck invented the "alternative rock" guitar sound. Jangly, choppy, shiny.

J MASCIS. Life. Is all about shredding.

 DOUG MARTSCH. I remember easily being a fan of Built to Spill stuff that always played in the Redfish Lake Lodge Restaurant kitchen. Then I heard Perfect From Now On and it actually challenged me. I love Doug's guitar effects and the daring registers he often hits.

THURSTON MOORE. I always always always think about noise rock. More often than not, I think about distorted guitar noises before actual notes. Meanwhile, I like playing with obscure tunings, too.

JIMMY PAGE. Music I make doesn't really sound like Led Zeppelin. I don't like to show off fat, epic solos. But I always love a simple, powerful riff and some lush acoustic chords.

My 2-Year Post-Mission Mark

I left for my mission on April 7, 2010.
I came back from my mission on April 11, 2012.
Now it is April 9, 2014.

Myself w/ my trainer Elder Reid Gardner in Mission, BC

I served in the Canada Vancouver Mission, covering most of the province of British Columbia. I remember in the summer 2009, someone asked me what LDS missionaries do. I told them, "It's kinda like the Peace Corps, except you ask people if they wanna be a Mormon too." It's safe to say I had no idea what the heck I was getting myself into.
I got to serve in a wide variety of areas with a wide variety of companions. I often lost focus of my purpose that I was Divinely set apart to accomplish. This was because of my struggles with testimony. The LDS missionary purpose is basically to baptize people into "salvation," also becoming part of the "only true church." I never really thought about either of those things until the MTC.
It just really bugged me when people would talk about the church like it was obvious knowledge. Whether it was deep doctrine ("this chapter talks about Kolob") or basic-yet-bold comments ("just have faith"), it bugged me. I felt like nothing was obvious. It was frustrating.
I actually almost went home about 7 months into it. I never got homesick; I just felt really bad about myself all the time. And I had this mysterious chest pain that was apparently caused by mental stress. The week before my 20th birthday, I told my psychiatrist I was "80% sure" I was going home that transfer. She said, "Well, it sounds like you've already made your choice." In response, I told her something along the lines of "f*** you" in a politically-correct way. I said a prayer in the bathroom and decided to stay on the mission.

Me w/ Elder Ryan Reynolds & Ukiah  Harfield in Sidney, BC 

I then started taking some anti-anxiety meds for 21 months, some of those months being after my mission. Those first few months after my mission were stupid. I did a lot of fun things but never had any fun doing them. I still struggled to breathe from my diaphragm. Music didn't feel like it used to. I didn't understand girls (possibly even less than before my mission, which is saying a lot.) I almost feel like I should apologize to people I met between April and October of 2012. I really don't need to. I'm just a lot different now. However, in these 2 post-mission years, I've been doing the same thing I did on my mission, even the 19 years beforehand: Changing.
Sometimes I digress, but I hope to progress. The fact that my personality keeps changing is a testament of the stuff that I really believe in. The only reason I actually believe in "salvation" and eternal things is because I believe in repentance. Quite strongly, actually. It's still hard for me to wrap my head around the concept of faith sometimes, since I am often doubtful and existential. Sometimes I think to listen to Kendrick Lamar before I think to pray. I've got some room to grow. And looking into future things like careers and parenthood, I know I always will.

Myself, Logan Canyon, age 23

All 24 months of my mission were great. I agree with everyone who says its "the best 2 years for your life." I learned that I should try to make every year of my life better by increasing in work-ethic, spirituality and being a sincere friend. I guess I still have the same purpose now as I did then, only I don't have to teach people. It's sad that the only people reading this are probably already LDS, because The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has taught me the greatest, life-changing lessons and everyone should check it out. It still bugs me a little when people toss around terms like "the gospel is true" in a general, assumptive way. The fact that people do this so often is probably why non-LDS people never started reading this. However, I can't blame them too much. I've chosen not to be offended. It's all true. It's all good.
These days I run a lot, play guitar a lot, closely follow the "hip" music scene, do some journalism, study theater, and I'm sorry Pres. Nelson & Pres. Tilleman- but I'm still single! However, I am still active in the church & in the gospel. I see no reason why I shouldn't be.

Does Music History Repeat Itself?

This is a picture of Beach House blended in with the cover of Fleetwood Mac's Rumours.
Any questions?